Awkward situation with my mum

[QuestionsForMum]

I have NCed to post this as if someone recognises this I don’t want my previous posts linked.

I have a good relationship with my Exps mother. (I’ll call her MIL for ease) Due to lots of agro in the past my entire family hate her and her family and for long time I did too. It was a really horrible time and lots of hurt was caused. Over the years We have made our peace and we get on quite well now. But it’s all secret. On my side anyway. None of my family know that we are in contact beyond her seeing my DC. My family are still very bitter and will make the odd remark about exps family. I avoid bringing them up at all because I don’t want to hear it. It’s a lot easier to keep the peace by not mentioning them. My mother is also a very jealous person and a lot of my issues in the past with MIL were “encouraged” by my mum I think due to her original resentment of mine and MILs relationship. So I keep our relationship secret.

MIL is now going through a very difficult personal situation and it’s something that my mum would definitely be able to advise on due to her profession. MIL has asked me to ask my mum for advice. I think MIL has assumed that I am open about our contact and that all is forgiven on my mum’s side. It isn’t something like legal advice where MIL could pay for advice btw so it’s not like my mum would normally expect to be paid for this advice. If I asked my mum “for a friend” she would know who I was talking about as she knows of the situation through the grapevine.

I don’t know what to do.

Be honest and tell Mil you can’t, and why you can’t.

It’s not worth opening up a can of worms for imo

Ask on here. If your mum knows the answer, surely someone on here must have the same expertise as your mum?

I don't see much point in telling your mother the truth - if she hates the MIL as much as you say, she's unlikely to start dispensing professional advice for the MIL's benefit anyway.

I’m sure someone on here would definitely Be able to advise but don’t want to out myself or share the situation when it isn’t mine to share.

I’ve stupidly already told MIL I will ask. She is so worried and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.

You could name change and then change any unimportant details as well? Completely different thread started on a random day?

Or just say to mil that you got cold feet about asking your mum as she still harbours resentment.

I think that’s what i’ll do. If anyone sees a post and thinks it’s me please don’t out me. Thanks all. Why am I such a tit?

Does your child never mention to your mum that he/she sees their other nanny?

Hi sweetcheeks my mum knows DC have regular contact with their other gran.

Just to update. I took the leap and told my mum we’ve been in contact and that I would appreciate some advice if she could see her way to helping. To her credit she did. To cut a long story short we’ve agreed is up to me who I have relationships with.

Good response from your mum. Life is too short to bear such grudges.

It is indeed. It’s also a lot more pleasant to go about your day not being worried about bumping into someone or having rows.