Husbands cry for help....

[ninselnot]

Firstly some background....
3 years ago my husband went into a partnership with a good family friend, to cut a long story short, it didn't go well and the relationship soured and a lot of nasty underhanded stuff went on and my husband was forced out of the company 2 years ago. Financially we were in ruins, we almost lost the house, we had 3 children under 4, one has severe SN and the youngest was only 6m old. I went back to work to help. 2 years on we are doing much better. Recently I found some credit card stuff from that period that DH said he'd sorted out but obviously hadn't....we had a big row over this. During this row he told me that 2 years ago a few days after the business collapse that he'd taken his loaded gun into the garden whilst I was out with the intention of killing himself! I was shocked and very upset by this. 2 weeks from this revelation I'm still very upset and we're barely talking. He says it's no issue, it was a long time ago, and he didn't go through with it so what's the problem?!
I've said we need to talk about it with a councillor or someone, but he refuses, doesn't want to drag it up again, as to him it's done and in the past. I'm frankly devastated that he ever considered killing himself and leaving me with the financial mess and 3 small children. WWYD? How do we get past this? I can't talk to friends or family about this....I'm lost

You’ve both had a dreadful time, he must have been in a very dark place. Probably clinically depressed. You’ve got through it.

This has been a shock, to find this out now. My advice would be to be kind. Get a babysitter and get out of the house somewhere neutral , probably during the day, and listen to him, give him space to talk. Don’t judge just listen, check if he’s ok now or needs meds or counselling or support.

Maybe google men and depression first. They are bigger for not acknowledging it.

Mostly though, be kind.

You need to respect his wishes not to talk about it.

If you think seeing a counsellor might help you , go for it.
But don’t try to insist he joins you.

Please be careful it may be that he really doesn’t want to talk about it or be reminded of how bad he felt

He's got over it, and doesn't want to think back and remember a bad time in his life. Don't make him. The brain tries to protect itself by not dwelling on bad times. You don't want to bring it all back

You really need to respect his request not to talk about this. He didnt leave you, you have no idea how much courage it took not to kill himself at that point, and not to lay it on you and the children.
It may just have been his love for you all and the thought of leaving you alone that kept him here.
I think you should talk to someone about this. Maybe the Samaritans, they understand suicide and may be able to talk you through DH's thought processes at the time.
Please try not to be too angry with him though, youve all had a horrible time and he must have been feeling so responsible for that. but its over now. Try and leave it in the past as soon as possible.
Love and good luck to you all

Men can choose very violent ways to end their lives in a crisis. You would maybe not be as shocked if he said he was preparing to take an overdose. Its one moment in time which is often what happens with suicide. Something snaps with the pressure. He made it through. If you need help with this talk in through with a suicide support group or counsellor. Don't bring it into your relationship. Ye have done well. Build on that. If your dh starts to threaten suicide again thats a different story and he needs immediate help but best as you can leave it for now and continue to move on.
And l would never have a gun in the house especially if there are children there.

Thanks for the advice everyone.
I think the trouble is he's had 2 years to process it, and I've only just found out, so I'm struggling and way behind. I think he only told me to deflect from me going on about the credit cards....otherwise I don't think he would of said....also it was via text message as he'd stormed off at that point!!
Very hurtful!
In terms of the guns, they're legally held with a proper license (my husband has also gone shooting). They're in a locked metal cabinet in a separately locked cupboard with the ammunition locked elsewhere. So as safe as they can be from the children......
I think it was a knee jerk thing to do, and maybe I'm reading more into it than it was. There is a history of mental illness in his family (bipolar disorder), he's never shown any signs before. But I thought I was watching him like a hawk at that time, as I know it could have been a trigger. Obviously I was wrong