DH forgets/doesn't listen

[Alexkate2468]

In the grand scheme of things this isn't a huge problem but I am getting more and more frustrated As time goes on. Maybe I'm being irrational... But I'm wondering if anyone has suggestions on how to cope with a really forgetful DH or encourage him to actually take responsibility.

DH is great. He's very hands on, childcare and housework is split, he does his share with DS during the night. I love him and we are happy. However... He drives me insane.
Here are some examples.

Calling last night to ask if we needed anything from the shop. I say I was just about to go and get milk so he says he will get it. DH comes back with lots of stuff but no milk. Its now mid tea/bath/bedtime and I can't just pop out so we have no milk.

I tell DH I've put £20 on the kitchen bench for DD's school trip and just need to put it in an envelope. minutes later the money is gone. He's taken it to work. He says he forgot. I have to go and get more cash. Not the end of the world but just one more thing to do.

DH took DS' car seat out to use in his car. Literally just before he left I asked him to make sure he left the car seat. He agreed then drove off with it anyway. Late for school as it's a considerable walk and I didn't realise in time. (Could get another car seat but for the cost it would be a waste as DH rarely used his car)

I'll tell him I'll be late home from work and ask him to sort children. He'll agree to this and then ring to ask where I am and say nobody has eaten because they're waiting for me.

He's also done dangerous things like leaving the gas hobs on, leaving a Stanley knife on the coffee table that he forgot to put away.

He even forgot to get ds changed into pyjamas before putting him to bed.

I've tried writing things down but he loses the notes or just scrumples them in a pocket and forgets about it. I've sent text messages but he reads and still forgets.

I know these things aren't terrible crimes but I just feel like I have to parent his ability to be an adult
If I'm not constantly thinking about what he needs to do we end up in a mess and I just think it would be easier if I just did everything myself.

Do I just need to chill out? What would you do?

Anyone?

This sounds a bit like me - unintentionally forgetful but incredibly frustrating for those around me. He needs to try and get a bit more organised because it is possible to get slightly better.

Things like an alarm at the end of the day to check the over hasn't been left on, writing a shopping list on his phone, getting things ready the night before (my work security pass lives in my work backpack cos if I take it out I forget/lose it - i also keep a credit card and spare house key in there for times when I forget my belongings in the morning and might need them.

He won't be doing it on purpose and personally I think some people are just made this way - not sure if this will be helpful but there are little things that can help.

Also make sure he's getting plenty of sleep and a good diet, concentration is key.

I still have moments - I left the electric grill on all night by mistake yesterday 😖😖

Good luck

If he has an iPhone, you can label reminders and calendar invites and have them pop up several times - this is a lifesaver for forgetting appointments etc!

My husband is just like this and it's completely exhausting and I can't actually hand anything to him to do without also then having to check that he's done it afterwards. It's never "off my list" even when it's on his. It then also contributes to resentment and a change in balance of our marriage, as I see him as another child to parent.

Particularly when he then sees himself as such an active / sharing / equally parenting Dad as he (shock!) does do things like shopping and hoovering etc. (Oh aren't I "lucky" 🤮)

He's forever saying "I didn't do it on purpose" but that's meaningless to me when I'm trying to juggle it all and see no partnership in parenting.... I have the same - grills left on, keys left in door, seat belts not put on, forgetting to collect from clubs, forgetting food on lists, payments forgotten and fines received etc etc
And yet he can remember everything perfectly when it directly affects HIM or something he wants eg will book tickets / hotel rooms / organise payments / pick up items etc when it's in his sole interest.

you have my utter sympathy as it's hard not to want to scream in his face.

Iambreezy - yes! This. It's exhausting. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel so ungrateful at times but then just so frustrated.

We can try the iPhone reminders for some things which might help but things like remembering children need pyjamas or that knives need to be put back just won't work. I need to somehow zap his brain...