Residential WWYD

[RollerCoast]

I've namechanged a bit for this thread but need some advice on DS's (10) upcoming residential. First payment is due in 2 weeks so we need to decide soon. In a nutshell: He is scheduled to go on a 4 night trip next Autumn with his class.

He was all on board with the idea when it was announced back in December, until recently. He had his first residential last month and it did not go well. He simply could not settle, made himself literally sick with anxiety the first night and was promptly sent home the next morning. The trip was local so we could (reluctantly) pick him up (not my choice, but the residence had a very strict sick policy and decided to send him home as they could not rule out legit sickness.) He was quite happy when he returned home, just said he missed his bed and comforts of home but not at all bothered by "missing out" on what his other classmates got up to on the remainder of the trip.

The next residential is twice as long by comparison, and nearly 6 hours away, so obviously being sent home wouldn't be as straightforward.

Wwyd? Pay up and hope for the best? He doesn't want to go but there's big pressure from the school that all pupils go--to keep costs down for everyone and help build resilience for SATS, or some nonsence. At £400 per child, it's an expensive risk for something he may or may not be ready for in 6 months time.

What does he want to do? I understand that it's a lot of money to lose so that will sway your decision.
I was that child who was so anxious I was sick on residentials - I really wanted to do them but would have loved someone to give me a way out if I was anxious. Is it possible that you could take the time off and go down and stay in a hotel/youth hostel nearby? Then if he's anxious at nighttime (always the worst time) then he could come and stay with you but go back for the day time activities. I appreciate that this may not be feasible though.
If he doesn't want to go then don't pressure him, however if the above suggestion is feasible you could put it to him as an option. Please reassure him that it's fine to love his home and bed, not everyone enjoys going away. If school are awkward about it then I think you should tell them that you are looking after his mental health. I may not have enjoyed staying away from home but it made no difference to my exam results so the SATs stuff is rubbish

You should encourage him to go and do some skill building in the meantime. Its a shame they sent him home before. Maybe speak to someone who knows about the first trip though.

Following him and staying nearby isn't a possibility, unfortunately, as I have work and family commitments.

I was also similar as a child in that I really wasn't keen on being away from home or my family any longer than necessary. The thought of a trip of this sort at age 10 would have put me right off.
I like to think I turned out alright--went away to uni and have spent the better part of the past 2 decades living 1000s of miles from "home".
DH is firmly of the camp that he needs to go and get on with it, or else he'll be living with us for the rest our lives (a bit dramatic, I know...)

Neither of mine wanted to go on the residential at primary. They happily go away now as teens without a backward glance. I wouldn’t push him.

I wouldn't make him go. 10 is really young to go away for four nights and if he's been sick with anxiety this time it's unlikely he will be fine in the Autumn. No big deal, residentials aren't his thing yet that's all. If you take the pressure away he might start to feel stronger, more in control.

Well, the wind has changed a bit in recent days. There's been renewed interest in the trip amongst his classmates and now he says he wants to go. We'll see what he thinks in 6 months time.