Husband troubles

[TP1987]

Hello! I’m lost and don’t know what to do anymore.
My husband has been working away for 6 months, in that time we saw him a total of 3 weeks and I looked after our son alone. I like to think I do a good job raising our son and working a job aswell as sorting everything else out in our lives.
This whole time ha taking it’s toll on me a little bit (hats off to all the single mums out there) and the last time I went out has been over 6 months. He doesn’t understand why I need alone time and why I’d like to socialize a bit again. I’m only 31.
Now he’s back for good and the house is constantly messy (our son is more organized than him) I have more to do and still work. I’m cooking, I’m cleaning, I’m sorting out all paperwork and everything else.
My birthday was now over 2 weeks ago and he didn’t get me a present or a card, I know he appreciates me but is it so wrong to expect a present ? If I want flowers I have to ask, he doesn’t even know what I like, he mainly gets me funeral displays(or that’s what they look like)
In the meantime I prefer being by myself, I’m not attracted to him anymore because he won’t look after himself. He’s feet smell extremely bad, he eats extremely unhealthy and never wants to do anything, he also has nor interest in changing anything of the things that bother me while I try my best.
Is it wrong to want to feel appreciated and at least one big gesture? I mean, not even a card for my birthday?! I’m so unsure wether I want to carry on in this marriage as I felt happier when he wasn’t here but I don’t think I’d manage financially

Having the same prob today my birthday I got a card not even a bar of choc...men thoughtless arsehole I had this with a ex and I left much happier only problem now is I'd struggle financially too my son's got few yrs left at home then I may not only me to worry about then!!!

Was he like this before he left to work away? How long have you been together?

I don't think it's reasonable to expect men to know what sort of gestures we want. Could it be that he shows his feelings for you in other ways? See this:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

I do think you can and should talk to him about his hygiene and picking up after himself around the house. And he should have done something about your birthday.

Honestly I would be planning on leaving him.

From what you say, he sounds awful. Does he have any good points? Have you tried to talk to him?

He has somewhat always been like this. He’s a great dad and I’m sure he would do anything for us.
But even last month I was scraping all my money together to pay for our holiday flights and he didn’t even offer to pay anything towards it. By now I’m too proud to ask and if he can’t offer himself I shouldn’t have to remind him that this is OUR holiday.
I have talked to him about it all in the past. He even said he felt better once he started looking after himself but never sticks to it.
And by now, he should know that I love birthdays, I make such a fuss for everyone else and he knows that I feel like it’s the only day a year I like to think of my own.
We’ve been together for 10 years soon.
I know the problem all comes from his parents because he’s slowly starting to become exactly like them, bare in mind they don’t talk to me or their grandson....

Stop. Doing. Everything.

He sounds like a selfish, lazy arse.

He does not contribute to family life. Sounds like he doesn't contribute financially either.

I would be making plans to ask him to leave. Sorry.

You would cope, in fact I think you would thrive. And he would HAVE to contribute financially.