Feeling worthless and want to hurt myself.

[Aflo513]

I am 27 yrs old and I am 5 months pregnant with my 5th child. I have a boyfriend who drinks a lot and has a history of drug abuse and he is really mean and gets crazy. He calls me names everyday and he gets really close to my face when he says it. He even sometimes grabs me by the throat and screams it over and over in my ears. Whatever it may be that he is saying, even a question, he screams it in my ear. He makes me feel so worthless that I just want to hurt myself so I cry hysterically, but he doesn't stop screaming. He punches holes in my walls and blows snot all over my apt. He even shoved me down while I was taking a shower and held my face and spit in my mouth. He grabs my wrists so tight there's bruises. Yesterday, he grabbed me by the ankles while I was crying and held me upside down. When he holds me on the ground by my wrists I cry and scream and if he doesn't stop I headbutt him in the face to get him off of me and it bruises my face. I know I should leave him, but I have no family or friends to help with my children and I have no job or source of income except $28.25 biweekly from my children's father. I feel like I sound like an idiot, but I need to get this out to someone, anyone.

You aren’t an idiot but you do need help. I think you should contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline It’s 0808 200 247 and it’s a 24 hour helpline so they can hopefully guide you to take the next steps

Oh my lovely, please make some moves to get away. I note the dollar signs, are you in the US?
Is there a local or national helpline you could call? The police? A women's refuge you could get yourself and your kids to? Do you have friends or family who can help you?

He's dangerous and he's abusing you and it's only going to get worse. I know it's not always easy just to walk out. But you need one clear thought in your head - "I am not going to put up with this any more". He's too volatile to confront or argue with so don't. Please find support wherever you can and find some safety for you and your children x

Thank you very much for your advice. I will remember it if and when it happens again and hopefully make the right choices. Feeling trapped is no good. I appreciate it. Yes, in the U.S. XOXO

Please don't wait @Aflo513. It already sounds like the abuse and violence is a daily occurrence.
Take whatever small steps you can right now. However trapped you feel right, you have to find a way out sooner rather than later. Are you under physician or midwife care for your pregnancy - could you talk to them?

I'm bumping this so that some other Mumsnetters who might have more direct experience of this can encourage and support you. Take care x

Please get some help before you get really hurt.

You have to leave him - it isn’t even optional to stay! It will only get worse over time. He is no good to be around you or for that matter the children. There are so many organizations out there that will help you. You won’t feel like this forever, if you can find the strength to get out.

Look at it as having an aching tooth - the most painful part will be to remove the tooth - but it’s neccesary to stop the aching, which will never stop by itself.

Please, leave this man - you deserve better, I promise. And you’ll find better in the future, I also promise that. Your self esteem is taking a battering, get out and then work on your confidence.