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Original poster

DD unhappy at nursery; how do I handle this?

14 replies

trueblueari · 22/04/2018 14:37

DD is 4 and has been attending her current nursery for over a year (council nursery attached to a school, not a private nursery, although she also goes to a private daycare while I'm at university).

She loves daycare and often talks about her friends.

However when I drop her off at nursery she delays me for as long as possible saying she doesn't know what she wants to do, usually until staff step in and help her find something to do.

Whenever I say she should play with her friends she says they won't want to.

She just mentioned a girl at nursery and said "she's my friend but I'm not her friend" and got really sad. She's explained that the other kids at nursery refuse to play with her and won't let her join in.

This doesn't happen with other kids who live in the area or at daycare - she is a happy, outgoing little girl and is sociable and popular in every setting except nursery where she is being excluded by every other child (around 30 of them). They all have groups and mingle with each other but she's never allowed to be part of that.

I'm not sure how to handle this as obviously they can't force kids to play with someone they don't want to, but I don't understand why this is happening as she's the only one being isolated and it's only in that nursery. I really don't know what to do, but I don't even want to send her tomorrow as she's clearly so unhappy and I had no idea it was this bad.

Advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 14:38

Sorry, I meant just under a year.

OP posts:
EmmaC78 · 22/04/2018 14:39

Can you speak to the nursery staff to make sure her account of things is accurate before doing anything else?

Smeddum · 22/04/2018 14:39

Oh that’s so sad OP, for you and your DD.
Have you spoken to the staff at the nursery? Can they shed any light on what is happening and try and change it for her?

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insancerre · 22/04/2018 14:40

Take her out and send her to the other private nursery

Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 14:45

@insancerre unfortunately I only get funding for daycare while I'm at university which means for all of December, half of January and from May - September she'd be out of childcare altogether. I'm starting to consider it though

OP posts:
Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 14:47

I'm going to speak to staff tomorrow, she's only just explained.
However I think it is accurate as I have noticed her "don't know what to do" routine only happens at nursery and she never mentions friends from nursery, whereas she talks a lot about her friends at daycare. I've tried asking what's wrong before but this is the first time she's explained.

OP posts:
Smeddum · 22/04/2018 14:49

Well done to your DD for explaining, that can’t have been easy. Poor wee soul probably doesn’t understand it herself!

Definitely worth speaking to the staff and letting them know that it’s only when she comes to them she’s upset.

Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 14:55

She doesn't understand, she just said "every time I say can I play with you them run away, them don't like me, I try to be a good cheetah (her family nickname is cheetah) but them still won't play with me" and when I asked who she said "everyone, them say no or run away."
I could have cried for the poor wee thing.
My friend is here and is concerned that it could be because she's the only black child at nursery (she's mixed, I'm white but she has her Dominican dad's skin tone) and I feel sick to my stomach. I so hope there's another explanation. Surely at 3/4/5 they wouldn't be prejudiced like that?

OP posts:
zzzzz · 22/04/2018 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insancerre · 22/04/2018 15:27

Is she not starting school in September?

Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 15:30

No, she's not starting school until next year. Her birthday is in January and after speaking to the nursery staff we all agreed she wasn't ready for school.

OP posts:
insancerre · 22/04/2018 15:33

What makes you think she's not ready for school?
Reception is set up to take 4 year olds

Original poster
trueblueari · 22/04/2018 15:37

We don't have reception here, it's straight into primary one.
And she didn't start speaking until 2 and a half and is still developmentally around 6 months behind

OP posts:
Flutist · 22/04/2018 15:39

I wouldn't expect children aged 3-5 to have anything but curiosity about a child with a different skin colour? And even if some are prejudiced I wouldn't expect them all to be? The nursery staff should have noticed if she's alone and make efforts to include her. Perhaps have a chat with them and ask them to observe to find out exactly why the other kids aren't playing with your DD. And ask them to help her be included!

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