WWYD?!

[OohShhh]

Im sitting here now, wanting to pack my bags and just disappear.
Try not to drop feed:
Me, DH & 3 DC (12,13,14) DH been signed of work for pain in lower back. On medication and awaiting hospital referral to Pain Clinic. It’s been months now. I was/am SAHM. I’ve always run the house. That’s a given. But as DC getting older, DH being unwell, I’m starting to struggle. With everyday things. My house is awful. No one helps me. My garden gives Shameless a run for its money! DH & DC just don’t see it. They don’t see the dishwasher they have to pass when they chuck their plates on the side. The bin is invisible, or if not they will keep filling it and won’t empty it so will just chuck the rubbish on top and of course it falls, which they can just leave. They can’t pick up their dirty washing and put it in a basket or even the washing machine. I’ve watched them just put rubbish down the side of the sofa or on the floor! I flip my shit but it doesn’t seem to matter! I went on strike once (I lasted 3 days! They just stood on all the dirty washing in the b.room, they ate on top of dirty plates, never done the dishwasher etc etc.) DH sees this and just shouts at he DC to help. But they see he doesn’t. Once in a blue moon he might do the b.room or wash up the big pots. I do a chore chart, no one does it. My day doesn’t stop. I’m always tired.
I don’t have people come round as my house is always untidy.
I have the option of going to stay with my old school friend for 2 weeks, she lives 200 miles away.
I dread what I would come home too. DH says to go as DC will have to do it and DH will sort it out...
Why does it take me going away to get some help? DH tell me I’m too soft on DC. That they don’t do it so I just do it. Because it needs to be done! I can’t wait until DC have finished having a shit fit to do it.
I’m worried if I go away, I might enjoy it too much and never come back. Or come back and just leave DH & the DC.
I have been doing this crazy ride for years. When I wasn’t a SAHM life for me was bad. Working 12 hour shift, coming home to do dinner, house work etc. I know DH money running low, we are starting to dip into savings, so I need to start looking at work again if he’s not cleared by July. I’m dreading it.
I’m really hating my life. DH is here but I’m so lonely. I spend all day by myself.
Mine & DH r/ship is great (if I ignore the no help thing!) but it’s my sanity.
Am I being stupid to be crying over housework?
WWYD? Go to friends? Or stay and try again To implement change?

You’d be better getting a job if you’re running out of money. Start cleaning up after yourself and leave the others to it. They’ll soon start putting clothes in the basket when they run out. No wonder you hate your life - stuck at home being a housework martyr to your ungrateful family. It’s time for a change.

Are you depressed? I really can't see how you are struggling to run a house when your children are high school aged and you have all day to do things. How do your fill your time. The only reason I can think that there would be any problem is if you were severely depressed.

Sorry OP you're in a depressing situation. Your kids are old enough to do housework so it's time to show some tough love and stop all treats unless things gets done. You probably should have implemented this when they where younger as you can't teach old dogs new tricks. They know mummy will always clean up after them and it's a bad habit to break.

I think I would be depressed if my whole life revolved around clearing up after a husband and three perfectly capable teenagers. They have no respect for you whatsoever.

Go and stay with your friend for a break and to refresh yourself. Then, come back and say things are changing. You will no longer do everything for everyone.

Do the teens get pocket money? If so, they need to start earning it.

I suffer with depression. I have done for years.
They don’t have pocket money. I refuse to give them it now as they don’t help. I did have a board where I pinned chores along with a bag of maybe 50p, £1 etc for them chores. So if they did the chore they get the money. Didn’t last long. Maybe a day.
After writing this I started a new CV to start sending out.
I know it’s probably hard to comprehend what I am saying, and I must come across as being ‘lazy’ or not doing a lot during the day. Today (so far) : Got up at 6. Put DC1 washing on. Walked dog. Got ready and went to the gym (my lifeline, destresser, therapy) spent an hour there, came home, hung washing out. Put another load in. Done the dishwasher and washed the pot from yday, stopped and had food (10 mins max) folded up clean wash and put on stairs. Now having cuppa quick before I need to : clean kitchen, sort out rubbish, floor, hoover again (dog+mud!) sort out dumping ground table, do another lot of DC1 wash, make dinner (1 lot for DC, 1for DH and 1 for me) take dog out again, bring in wash, fold. Get a shower. Do dishwasher before bed.

Forgetting meals (why 3 separate meals?) That would take me an hour and a half to 2 hours tops - not a full day? I work full time so have to squeeze chores around everything else. I'm sorry but I would kill to have all day to do that...

And I understand that GhostedDad I swear I question myself too! It’s because my house is always a shit hole. Because during the day it can look bloody perfect! Then bedtime I’ve gone to bed it’s like a tornado has come through and ripped it all.
Maybe it’s because of the general state of my house. Maybe it’s because I’m just more depressed than I thought. Maybe I think I’m doing more than what I am. Maybe it’s because DH is here now so before it wasn’t as bad as he wasn’t around to make a shit load of mess or get in my way.
And 3 separate meals - DH won’t always eat with/or what DC are eating. DC won’t always eat what DH wants. It’s just easier! And I am trying to regain some control on my overweight issue so am on a diet. Which no one can stand.

@OohShhh I've realised there's always more mess made when people are in the house more. DSis house is spotless because there's only people in it from 6pm and the DC are in bed by 7:30pm /8pm. It's much more regimented and has a stricter, neater, tidier routine.
My house is very different. It has at least one person in all day, usually two. As such there's always little jobs to do. The kids are away for no more than 6 hours and the rest of the time they're wrecking the place (not really, but they naturally make more mess)

They however are very, very good at putting plates away and not leaving clothes dumped anywhere other than the wash basket in the kitchen. That's because it's been a rule since they could walk. They also scrape and put their plates in the proper place (I'd give my right arm for a dishwasher by the way!)

My advice is, stand over your kids and make them do their chores. "Go empty the bin please"
::kid grumbles about later::
"No, not later, now."
and stand there tapping your foot until they do.

Tell them every single time you see them drop litter. "NAH-AH! Bin!" If they're in their room and you find a crisp packet they just finished stuffed down the sofa, call them back. Make them trail all the way downstairs to move it. They'll soon learn.

Channel your inner drill sergeant.

That'll sort out idle kids. Now for your problem. Get a written routine and stick to it. Try to dust every day and you won't have a build up of mess because you'll have to shift it. Sweep/mop on X and X day. Bathroom wipe down every morning. Kitchen clean down every evening etc. Stand in front of the kids and say, "Right, You, go empty the bathroom bin! You, sorta the laundry. You, put the clean washing away" etc etc.

But first get your ass on holiday and let them know how bad it can get. Have a lovely time!

Cannae thank you. I definitely am more of the “Ill just do it!” Kind of parent. Which I hate.
DC used To be so so helpful. And I know people say it’s teenagers, it’s what they do, but to be complete slobs throws me. It’s like raising wilderbeasts. I’ve never known anyone else have the trouble I do. I think maybe it’s me. I can see that I feel more depressed. Because of the way we live. I’m going to go to my friends. For my sake. And deal with any consequence when I come home.
I know it was stated that people do this stuff and work, until I see how long it take and what needs doing. I begged DH for a cleaner, just twice a month to help me get on top of it all. But then when he finally agreed I was to embarrassed to let said cleaner in.
Roundabout or what.
I wrote a chore chart out. If no one follows then I’m taking their things. It can’t be fair to me to still pick up their knickers everyday.

DD1 did go through a phase where she was a sod for leaving dirty knickers in her room, dumped.

Instead of collecting and washing them I bagged them up.
Oh the tantrums when she finally ran out. Taught her a lesson though. Put them in the basket or go commando.

Same goes for clothes. If they don't go in the basket, you'd better be prepared to go to school in your last clean onesie!

Omg you are being treated as a slave. No respect whatsoever. Get off to your friend's and have a break and a think to yourself. Their behaviour is not on.

Glad you are going. Promise us you are not going to make things easy for him - no doing a big shop, no freezing meals in advance. Let him do everything, including the mental load of meal prep...