A long time ago (4/5 years) I had a thread on here about being sexually assaulted by my friend's husband. I went to the police, I told them everything, I was interviewed twice and despite everything, they decided not to proceed with the case against him.
Needless to say, I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. I felt (and still feel) so, so let down. I feel like no one believes me about the sexual attacks, like they think I was making it up. He did dreadful things to me after ensuring that I had had enough alcohol that at best my memory would be hazy and at worst, completely blank. Anyway, so the case was dropped and I haven't thought about it in a while.
I watched a film tonight about sexual harassment and it dragged up old feelings. Of being so, so upset, and rightly so, and in despair that no one would believe me. And then suddenly I had a sudden, vivid flashback to another sexual assault by him. It was awful, such a shock. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a minute or two and I was shaking so badly. I was totally shocked.
I remember him constantly topping up my glass with champagne all night, I remember laughing with my friend (his wife), I remember their daughter going to bed and toffee vodka being brought out on the coffee table with shot glasses and I remember him insisting that I drank it even though I don't like vodka. I think I passed out then. When I woke it was dark and I was lying on my back next to their fire. He was kneeling between my legs. I became aware that something was wrong. My legs were bare and pushed apart and I could feel my top bunched up by my neck with my bra. I could feel intense heat on my nipples. I became aware he had his hand in my knickers and had his finger inside my bottom. I said stop but he didn't react, just carried on. I said no, stop again and started to pull away and sit up. He still didn't stop until I had physically moved myself away from him so he couldn't do it any more. I put my top back on and went out of the room . I remember not looking at him, just going to the stairs. When I woke the next morning my bra was not in place and my top not pulled down. I found my jeans neatly folded outside the bedroom door. I left straight away while no one else was up. My memory becomes a bit crumbly here. I remember trying not to think about it and then the memory just kind of disappeared until now. Looking back, It was part of the overall situation of him assaulting me when I was drunk and vulnerable.
Even though I am very angry and upset now, there's no point in going back to the police is there? They didn't believe me the first time when I had so much to tell them so I'm sure they'd dismiss this too. Even if I did, I don't think I can do another interview knowing that no one believes me. It's soul destroying. HE DID THOSE THINGS TO ME AND NO ONE CARES. He's a pervert probably out there now preying on different women.
What can I/should I do? I feel so alone. I'm in tears writing this.