This is going to be long and possibly outing.
My dad has always been a difficult character. Angry, depressed, mentally and emotionally abusive towards my mum intermittently and at times, to me and my sibling to a lesser degree.
My mum left my dad at the beginning of the year after almost 50 years of marriage. She could no longer cope with his anger which has resulted in him ignoring her for weeks on end and withdrawing love and affection,
I offered her a place at mine because she had nowhere else to go. My dad was hugely offended that I had done this.
Whilst all this was going on, my dad was unwell with an infection which resulted in a 24 hour hospital stay.
He was very very angry about the treatment he received at the hospital at the time and went on and on and on and on and on for weeks about how awfully he'd been treated. He was capable of looking after himself at this time. I offered to shop for him and contacted him daily to enquire after his welfare, but as I work full time and have a family of my own, and live 10 miles away, this is all I did. He declined all offers of help.
He complained that he had been left all alone. I offered to have him stay at my home (and that him and my mum could swap places) but that he would have to curb his anger and swearing as I have a 7 year old who I didn't want exposed to this. He declined this offer. He rang my mum at random times and demanded that she went and sorted things for him, like the thermometer for the central heating that he couldn't work. He is an educated man who is very proficient with computers!
My dad then decided to disinherit me and my my sibling stating that we had treated him abysmally and should be ashamed of our actions. I did, at times, tell him a few home truths about his behaviour but always offered support as well.
He accused me of trying to get him sectioned so I could steal his very limited! money. (I contacted his mental health team because he sent me and my sibling letters and emails which suggested suicidal thoughts and I felt they should know about this). He has cancelled his power of attorney because of this.
He has sent me emails stating that I am no longer his daughter, I am a vitriolic bitch who is money grabbing and nasty.
Now, he wants to spend time with my 7 year old. He has always been a great grandparent and they are close. However, on the rare occasion he has been to my house to see my son, he has been verbally aggressive towards me and been very obviously angry about recent events. This has, twice, ended with me or my partner asking him calmly, to leave because he was using inappropriate language in front of my child and we had warned him to curb it without change. My son spoke to him today over Skype and when I said hello, he was very off with me.
I feel like I should be trying to build a bridge.
I feel guilty that our relationship has come to this.
My partner is furious with him and wants me to cut contact.
What would you do? Would it be worth sitting down and trying to have a conversation to see exactly what he expected? Would you just not bother?