How do I make a big (potentially life-altering) decision?

[JellyBean450]

I’m newly single and my whole world has been flipped upside down – I don’t know what is next for me. I had a vision of how I thought my life would be – I thought that this relationship was The One and clearly I was wrong. Everything I thought was to come with this man is now no more than a distant memory and I am terrified.

I have made the lists of pros and cons and I am no better off – I keep coming up with a split decision. Do I leave the city where he was my main focus (although I enjoy the place and have a good job) or do I move back home and save for a deposit on a house, which I would never be able to do while I am single and stay where I am? But if I move home to my parents (albeit to save money for a deposit) will I feel like I’m taking ten steps back? Will I be able to meet someone again in time who shares the same desires as me and is driven and determined in such a small town? Am I limiting my options?

Please can anyone help me? I know that this is a decision I have to make on my own but I am currently so lost that I can see no way forward. Tell me it gets better than this. Please.

Do you need to make a decision straight away? Why not give yourself a bit of time? Or take a trip away? Something to help your thoughts crystallise?

Parental home

How well do you get on with your parents? Would they treat you like a child if you went home? Do you have siblings at home? Do you have friends in that area? How easy would it be to find work you like?

Current home

Will you have to move out of your home now that you've split up? Are you likely to bump into him again? Is it the sort of area that you would normally enjoy living in?

Why do you say you're terrified?

I’m terrified of the unknown and of the thought that I might not be able to find happiness or contentment again – I was really happy the way things were – unfortunately he was not and did not make his feelings known until the breakup itself.

I am currently still living with him in his house (where we lived together) and this is making it more difficult I think but I have nowhere else to go right now.

ok i am quite good at making decisions

what i do is visualise myself in each situation - one will just feel right to me

thats the one i go for

or......

you could give it say 6 months and then move back home to parents - that way you have given both options a chance

Totally agree with fur

I lie down and go into a sort of meditative state (bear with!)

Then I imagine I have made the decision, in your case, to stay in the town I am in. I give myself time to absorb this and imagine my life i that situation. I note how my body feels. Then I would imagine I have made the decision to go home to parents. Again see how you feel. It's not enough to think about the pros and cons or to think about how you might feel or what might happen. You really have to convince yourself that the decision is made.

One way or the other, the decision should feel much lighter one way - like a burden has been lifted.

I hope this helps!!

I think you’re trying to make the best decision here. That’s too difficult. Sometimes you need to make the least bad decision so that you have space to focus on next steps.

What do you want more: a shot at a new relationship, or a shot at saving to buy your own home?

How old are you?

Ok the relationship is over. You need to move out. You need to secure your future. These things are givens.

If you moved back to your parents would you need to give up your job?

If the answer to that is yes, then move into rented, and find another job commutable from your parents and then move back.

If the answer is no, then move back in with them now. See how it goes, you can always move back into rented if you need to.

So what I'm basically saying is don't quit your job unless you have another one to move into. Everything else is temporary and just geography.