If your child came home saying this

[Nkhutch]

So obviously children play parents off on each other! It's a right of passage in some respects for children of desperate parents to play a he said she said game. Dd has come home a lot saying things that have happened at nrp house. Some things I have noted some I've passed over as mere whining and Made up for reactions. In the past those I have noted I have brought to nrp's attention. In a respectful way, to have it thrown back at me with lots of abuse.
The last time I did mention anything I got told he didn't want to here it. So I told him I wouldn't discuss similar issues again.

Today dd has come home saying her df's partner has called her a "mongole" for getting in the wrong side of the car. In her words apparently she said to her " your in this side of the car what are you a mongole?" When dd came home I knew instantly something was wrong and asked her why she looked so sheepish and she asked me not to be angry but she had something to tell me. That's when she told me what was said.
Im obviously furious. I believe my daughter. I saw the look on her face and how she had been for most of the day since. But what would you do? I don't no if it was said in jest or not but it upset her reguardless and I took offence to it aswell. My dd is slow to learn both life skills and academically. And I know the meaning of the term used. But I worry I'm being too sensitive. Advice welcome 🙂

I'm a bit surprised she would know what the term means and that it would mean anything to her to be honest. Not excusing it obviously but how does she know the negative connotations? It's very old fashioned term now (and obviously v inappropriate and offensive)

@chandlersfraud I don't think she personally knew the meaning of it she is only 7. I'm not sure if maybe it was said in a negative tone? If that's why it bothered her. I've not even heard that term in a long time. Since before I left school! So I was shocked to here it.
Normally she will keep stuff to herself and tell me a few days later which happened recently about a serious incident that happened over there. So that's all I can think. Sometimes if she falls over here or does something daft I call her a daft ape and she always laughs, she knows we're joking and we don't mean anything about it

I’m on the fence here as you were not there so don’t know how it’s been said ? It’s not much worse then calling your own daughter an ape, except she knows your joking so it’s fine.

Maybe just send a polite text that dd has come home upset as this has been said, I’m sure it wasn’t meant in a nasty way but she’s taken it to heart’ and see the reply..

I also mess around with my daughter and call her a munter sometimes she laughs every time and says your the munter mum and we both laugh so she knows I’m joking.

It’s hard to know the tone of voice as you wasn’t there at the time

It's much worse than calling someone an ape [shocked]

I'm not sure what you can do if your ex won't listen to any discussion, sorry, not very helpful, it's a very difficult situation

Mongol is a horrible and inappropriate way to talk.

However, I don't think it is actually damaging to your dd as such. Clearly the tone of voice was unpleasant, but I don't think that is enough to do anything about it. Sadly.