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Original poster

MIL addressed me with H surname

17 replies

Longlunch · 01/04/2018 22:05

Birthday card, sent by post - to my initial and my H surname.
Been together for 12 years, when we first got married they were a bit shocked I did not change my name.
I do not remember this happening before. Did she just forget or was intended?
I recently went back to work after a break and she also mentioned How will I have time for everything else ... inside me was thinking ? What housework? Why don’t you ask your son that? ...
would you mention? Let it go for a calm life? Or whatever....

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 01/04/2018 22:08

I'd mention it. Thanks for the lovely card, but just so you know, that's not my name. I use Ms Myname Myname (or whatever). Would you like tea?

^ or similar. Brisk mention and move straight on.

TheSpottedZebra · 01/04/2018 22:09

Or not even 'just so you know'. I'd probably say 'as I'm sure you know'. ..

DonaldWeasley · 01/04/2018 22:10

I’d assume it was an error.

GrumpyPantz · 01/04/2018 22:15

My MIL does that on purpose to make a point because she's annoyed that I didn't change my name. I just ignore it.

GummyGoddess · 01/04/2018 22:15

I found they stopped asking after we had a DC and gave them a double barrelled surname. Previously used to save up newspaper articles on women changing their names for me, you'd be surprised how often that's in the newspaper.

NellythePink · 01/04/2018 23:13

' Thanks for the card. By the way, don't forget I didn't change my name, it has always been xxx'

frasier · 01/04/2018 23:22

Assume her memory is going and treat her accordingly.

People ask me why I don’t have the same surname as DH. I just say “Wow, that would have been a coincidence wouldn’t it?”

rextrex · 01/04/2018 23:28

At least you get a name. I get "to my son and his girlfriend" 10 years and 1dc down the line

happymummy12345 · 02/04/2018 03:27

I'd assume it was a mistake tbh.
I get annoyed if I get post that says ms not mrs. So I'd be more annoyed if I got something with my maiden name not dh's name (complete opposite situation but still)

EmmaJR1 · 02/04/2018 03:41

You could write not known at this address and return it? 😂

TroubledLichen · 02/04/2018 04:03

I think pick your battles... either she’s being old fashioned (my grandmother sends me post addressed to Mr and Mrs Husband’sFirstNand Husband’sSurname) and doesn’t mean anything by it or it’s passive aggressive and a sly dig... either way no good can come of mentioning it. And as for the housework comments just smile and say DH and I will manage just fine thank you. I suspect she’s being petty but the only thing you’d achieve by sinking to her level is a load of stress and animosity.

Ginandplatonic · 02/04/2018 04:26

My MIL has done this too - and some of my own older relatives. I just assume they are forgetful and/or old fashioned rather than trying to make a point, and let it go.

But even if she is making a passive aggressive point, what good will come of challenging her? How is this affecting you other than momentary irritation? Just ignore.

diodati · 02/04/2018 04:30

Ignore. In her mind, you're married to her DS and therefore are Mrs DS. At least she used your own first name! But seriously, why cause trouble? Ignore.

LaContessaDiPlump · 02/04/2018 07:56

My DGF did this - sent me a cheque, to Mrs Initial DHname. I sent it to my aunt (they live very near each other) and she patiently explained that while we were very grateful for the thought, we couldn't pay it in as no one had that name. I did call too to thank him.

We subsequently got a letter addressed to Mrs Initial DHname, with a cheque addressed to me in my actual name inside. It was then that I realised he knew quite well what my name was and was choosing not to use it...... meh.

Original poster
Longlunch · 02/04/2018 09:15

Thank you all, Probably ignoring it is best as no would will come out of it really ...
But I could not help it and mentioned last night, it was a bit funny to be honest as my DS (we are staying in ILs till today from Saturday) brought up the topic, completely innocent, that I left the card to a side thinking it was for my husband... this is true, I glanced the post, saw H surname and automatically put it in his pile to be dealt when he came back from work. Then when he came and told me this is for you I think and I was genuinely baffled... my son was there heard all, so bless him brought the topic as a funny thing last night and said my mum’s surname is XYZ, then I had to lightly mentioned I was confused by it, etc and moved to a different topic. Nobody made any more mention of it and we continued just chatting .
Love my son Grin you can always trust a child to be honest !!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 02/04/2018 09:18

She might have just forgotten. I did change my name when I got married, a similar time ago, and my own mother sent me a cheque and parcel in my maiden name for my birthday last month. Slightly problematic trying to pick it up from the sorting office as I had no ID with that surname. She wasn’t making a statement, it was just a brain freeze moment!

twohandstwokids · 05/04/2018 22:07

I'd ignore it. In the scheme of things does it matter? In every other aspect of your life you can have your name. She is just traditional and you won't change that. It will just annoy you. Let it go.

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