Boyfriend with insecurities. Please help!!

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What you do about your boyfriend who has major insecurity issues within your relationship?

I haven't given him reason to feel like that. and now he's taken to going through my phone reading my messages and getting very upset when I miss his phone calls.

Everyone we meet (even his friends when I first met them) tells him he's "punching" by being with me or make remarks about how I'm too good for him. I try to reassure him but it's not working. I try to make him see that it's just banter but he takes it to heart.

I like this guy but his behaviour is stressing me out and I'm thinking of ending it.

He won't change he will always have those insecurities , I'm married to a guy who has insecurities like this but to to that extreme .
It's not nice to be with someone like that , I would leave if I was you

Chances are it is going to get worse and he will become more controlling. Time to move on.

If you've done nothing to make him feel this way, chances are he's always going to be like this he should trust you, eventually you'll get fed up of him going through your phone etc, it will cause arguments and you'll be miserable. You could try and talk to him but I imagine you have

If a man gives you silent treatment.... is it also a sign of insecurity from his side or it’s just simply abusive behaviour? Or both?

Ps. As to this controlling attitude-it will get worse 😔

People with "insecurity/trust issue" shouldn't be in relationships. They should stay single till they're over them. They shouldn't force a well meaning, loving person to deal with their whiny crap and to be quite honest I think claiming trust issues , is generally just a cover for being toxic and controlling.

if hes going through your phone then you need to end it. That is a really really bad sign. You cannot trust people who dont trust you as they can easily justify any bad behaviour by telling themselves that you would do it to them. It is not your job to reassure a grown man on this level. It will almost certainly escalate into more controlling behaviour.

I’d get rid. If he’s controlling now, it’s only going to get worse.

I think you’ve got the jyst. He’s not in the right mind space to be in a healthy relationship.

dont get stuck being controlled, its no way to live. get out while you still can

OP, my partner struggles with insecurity/anxiety although he tends to bottle it all up and make himself sad rather than take it out on me the way your partner seems to do. What I do to help him is talk to him about what happened to make him feel insecure, usually it's a comment I or someone else made that he blows out of proportion in his head and we talk about it for a bit until he feels better. It usually ends with him admitting he was getting irrationally upset over something not important (and I tell him it's ok, I understand he has these issues, we cuddle and all is good) although sometimes it is something I've said which I didn't mean in a certain way but it came across wrong (in which case I apologise for putting my foot in my mouth, we cuddle and all is good.)

Imo being with someone with MH issues isn't a deal breaker it all depends on how you both handle it. My bf is never controlling towards me and will try and internalize how he's feeling to avoid upsetting me, I push him to tell me how he's feeling so we can talk about it and it always makes him feel better afterwards. You could try this kind of approach to your partner, no guarantee it will work though. Honestly I'd say 95% of the time we have a great relationship but every once in a while something happens and one of us gets upset about something, but that's life so hey ho.

I think it helps that I also have had insecurities in the past so while I'm fine at the moment I do understand very well how he's feeling and where it comes from.

Also, I let him look at my phone if he thinks it will make him feel better. I don't have anything to hide and I don't care if he goes through my phone (and sees all the stupid shit I google haha) if it helps his MH issues, although he only does this if I'm there with him and only after I've insisted multiple times it's ok and I don't mind him looking.

I'd get out now- it really shouldn't be this hard.

I'd finish with him . Whilst it's very noble of Solasshole to counsel her OH ,you are not a therapist , you want a partner not a patient.

I don't see this as getting any better, in fact it normally escalates into controlling behaviour and you'll find yourself not going out or telling him things in case it upsets him.

Your relationship sounds utterly exhausting and not one bit fun Sol.

If I thought it would do any good I'd say you need to sit him down and lay it out that you can't go on like that and you will leave but I don't think it'll make him change his ways.

His insecurities are his and there's nothing you can do so it will get worse and you'll be miserable. I feel for him (a little) but I wouldn't recommend making it your problem.

Move on...

It isnt really insecurity, its controlling behaviour. Its safest to end it sooner rather than later, the more he feels he has invested in you the more right he feels to control who you talk to.

Those are not insecurities.

Those are MASSIVE red flags for control and emotional abuse.

Run for the hills, honestly.

Thanks for the reply's. Everything came to ahead the other day.

Firstly. He was meant to come over but didn't because he didn't want me to get sick of him by seeing him too much. I said ok then no big deal speak later and had a much needed early night. I missed a few of his messages I replied that I was in bed and he'd woken me up Whats up? He said I was acting weird then tried to video call me! I declined the call and he called back twice. I called him normally and he's having a go at me for not answering the video call! I told him I'm going back to bed and put the phone down.

I didn't answer because I know it's a power game clearly he just wanted to see if I was with someone! Who does that??!

I went out for the day with my nieces and didn't reply to his message because I was busy looking after 3 kids. He called me on my drive back to London and we spoke everything was fine. Then a bit later in the day he text asking if I knew some guy because my bf showed him a picture of me (weird) and the guy said he didn't know me but was acting "shady" on his phone talking about me to his mate. So my bf asked for my Instagram name (even though he doesn't have Instagram himself) but he downloaded it so he could check who follows me!

He then went off at me because I asked if he was in the pub, he had said the day before he's not gonna drink for a few days so I was surprised he was in the pub, and his response was to shout at me "Yeah I am in the pub you don't know what's happened today because you ain't fucking spoke to me all day!"

I told him it's over and put the phone down. He called back we had a row and he said some nasty things to me so I blocked his number. I woke up to WhatsApp messages saying he's taken all my birthday presents back "like magic, ta dah".

He's so weird it's such a shame he was such a chilled out, laid back and lovely guy when I first met him. I thought we'd go out do fun stuff together have a good stress free time. I just seem to pick shit men.

It's annoying because I was single for over a year after leaving my ex of two years. I've always had a boyfriend so decided to take time and work on myself. I'm in such a good place now then he comes along and disrupts my good energy. I feel like I have to start again now!

I forgot to add. I did sit him down and explain that he can't go on like this. I said he needs to work on his insecurities or at least how he acts on them. He played the poor injured puppy. He knows he's sorry he's such a dickhead he'll change. Then less than a week later all this happens!

He'll always be like this I'm just glad I didn't overly invest in him and didn't waste too much time!

Wowsers, that escalated quickly!

But glad you have dumped him. Hope you had a fun day with your nieces, despite his twattery.

Well done for not getting drawn in. It’s a small set back, he hasn’t disrupted your good energy for long. Well done for getting yourself into a good place and then being strong enough to say no to this guys passive aggressive attempts to undermine and control you!