If a friend said they didn't trust?

[someonewhowonders]

I recently asked a friend to sign some paperwork for a house move, just a witness signature so not signing her life away or agreeing to pay my mortgage if I default! She said no. Says she'd been "burned" before. Think she was asked to be a guarantor for someone in the past and she got burned. Anyway she was really coy about not wanting to sign the paperwork and I just said you don't trust me? She said "it's not that...". Day or so later I texted her to ask her if she trusted me. She said "I don't trust anyone, don't take it personally". We're really close friends and I'd asked her before if I could trust HER and she'd said yes so I believed her. To be honest her brutalness crushed me, and I took it very personally. I'm interested to know people opinions.

She sounds a bit dumb tbh, does she know what a witness is as opposed to a guarantor?

I think texting her to ask her if she trusts you is a bit needy. She didn’t want to sign and fair enough based on her past experience. Just find someone else. Not worth falling out over

I bet that whatever capacity she was witnessing for you is a sham. So she's not actually a qualified solicitor or failed her professional exams or whatever, so couldn't be a witness bit couldn't tell you.

Otherwise she's not the sharpest tool. All she is 'witnessing' is that you are you. And asking if she trusts you means you both think this witnessing thing is something it isn't.

I bet that whatever capacity she was witnessing for you is a sham

You don’t witness house move docs in any capacity, it’s just to confirm the person signing it is that person, I signed some for a work friend - it’s not like signing passport photos

Perhaps when got burned last time she didn't realise what she was signing and didn't understand the role of Guarantor, so she is now wary about putting her name to anything. That's understandable. She clearly thinks it could somehow come back and bite her.

Oooh, missed that it was for a house move. Automatically thought passports

@bonnyshide I tried to explain this to her but she's very stubborn and will just walk away from me if she gets annoyed.

@Justanotherzombie not a sham at all. You just need to get a witness to sign to say they've seen YOU sign it and you are who you say you are. And I'm not sure what you mean by "you both think this witnessing thing is something it isn't".

@HibbityBlibbity, not at all needy just that we are close friends and to think she doesn't trust me "at all" was horrible. It really shook me.

@Justanotherzombie that makes sence now 👍🏻

I wouldn’t take it personally.
THere is a certain mindset of “ once bitten” who can’t separate out their bad past experience, and their current instincts.
She probably does trust you as an individual, but she’s promised herself she’ll not get hurt again. This is bourne out by the fact that there is no way she could get burned in this situation. It’s just a knee jerk reaction .

Believing you are you is not really the same as 'does she trust you'.

A few weeks ago we were talking generally and she said it again. I said "no one? Not even a tiny bit?" (Best I could ask without annoying her) and she said "not 100%. Anyone". Which I get because if we all think about it do we really trust "anyone" 100% in life? I just know I'm not a bad person and that she can trust me. Made me feel terrible.

Just move on from it and find someone else to sign it for you

I would try not to take it personally. I have several close friends who I love dearly, but if one of them asked me if I trust them, it would throw me. I'd think about it deeply (I have a tendency to over think), then I'd probably conclude that no I don't trust them 100% and so I'd feel compelled to say no. I can see how this would be hurtful.

Trust means different things to different people. Your idea of trust could be different to your friends.

I would try to separate the two issues as the not wanting to witness thing is irrational and due to past experience and probably not related to how she feels about you personally and how much she trusts you as a friend.

It’s not about the witnessing though, it’s the lack of trust

@Aridane spot on 👍🏻

@Obsidion thankyou, very insightful response.