Struggling with negative feelings towards partners best friends wife

[kfindl90]

Hello

Before you read on, I just want to say, I don't want this to come off as jealous or bitchy.

My new partner of one year is extremely close to his best friend. His best friend is married to a well-known actress, and we regularly all meet up together for walks, lunch, dinner, and nights out or in. Now his wife is very nice. She is warm, friendly, and we hit it off right away. But, as time has gone by, i find myself really struggling to keep up with her.

I have a good career as a nurse, and a nine year-old son. She has an 8 month old daughter, so we talk a lot about kid stuff, but that is where common ground ends. She is very intelligent, (PHD educated), speaks several languages, is extremely fit (even just 8 months postpartum), stylish and funny. I only speak English, don't really have time to keep fit, and dress more for comfort rather than style. I always feel that she outshines me, in looks, intellect etc. To add to my insecurity, my partner has said stuff along the lines of 'why can't you be more like her?' a couple of times.

I do like her, and she is not deliberately doing anything to make herself seem better than me. I can't avoid her because she is the wife of my partners best friend. I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation, and how they have overcome those negative feelings?

Thank you

You are comparing yourself to her? That's never going to work - remind yourself that you never really know what goes on in someone else's live or in their head.

Don't run yourself down - think of all your brilliant points. You do amazing, vital and worthwhile job for starters.

Comparison is the thief of joy blah blah blah

Also - who is she?

I'm concerned with your boyfriend comparing you to her.

To add to my insecurity, my partner has said stuff along the lines of 'why can't you be more like her?' a couple of times.

Your partner is a dick.

And also - who is she?

Yes I would come down on him like a sumo on that count.

Your problem is him, not her, sorry.

You,OP,so an extremely important job and have raised your son for nine years.
Imo that puts you pretty high up there.
Maybe she sees all of your good points and genuinely admires you.
Accept your differences.
Your dp,in the other hand,if he is making those comments,is a shallow person who,I'm sorry,is not in love with you.
You can do way better than him.
Ditch him OP he does not deserve you.

I agree with spongebob.

Some nice responses from you- thank you.

I do need to remind myself I do an important job. I guess I struggle because it isn't glamourous like her job is!

My partner and I have argued about his comments, and he has apologised. It just plays on my mind. I used to tease him that she was his dream woman. He says she isn't, but he just wants me to take good care of myself fitness-wise, and make an effort to learn French because that is his native tongue. So, he said he wants me to 'follow her example'.

Anyway, i think I just need to stop comparing. Difficult though!

Also, i can't tell you who she is - sorry!

I had a woman ooing and ahhing at my 'exciting' job at the weekend when I was explaining a trade show I had to go to next week.

Yeah - getting up at stupid o'clock to catch the first train out to spend 3 days in a draughty tent in a field in the arse end of an industrial estate answering very dull technical questions and living off manky (and over priced) plastic cheese sandwiches and strong coffee.

I have the life of a princess...

Hahahaha Fekko! That made me laugh! 😂 I guess things don't always turn out to be as exciting as they sound!

Well you have very different achievements, but you sound lovely. I think the negative thoughts are coming from your partner planting them there. He’s comparing you which is unacceptable.

Your partner is a dick.

If your partner is French, it's still dickish but it's also a big French. I have a French partner and have a few friends who do (Brits) as well as French in laws and friends. There is more pressure on women to look a certain way than for us (imagine! It's bad enough!!). Anyway, I'll tell you a little story.

When I moved to Paris I couldn't get over the number of au pairs in my (fairly affluent) neighbourhood. After a while I realised they weren't young, they were my age, with three kids (at least) each, but with the bodies of a 20 year old. I felt UTTERLY CRAP. I was looking my age in a "British" way!! Then I found out that there's an epidemic of eating disorders amongst mid 30's French women, because of the pressure to have kids, but look like you didn't. I noticed in restaurants that it was very common for women to order oysters, have a glass of champagne and finish with a coffee before having a smoke.

So then I chowed down on a few more macarons and blue cheeses (not together!) in delight.

Do sign up for French classes if you feel like it, only make sure they're at times where Mr French will be doing all the childcare. Same for when you do any homework from classes. It's a lot of effort to learn a language as an adult, especially not living there, and he'll need to give you 110% support.

I bet behind closed doors, all will be different. It might be the only rime she dresses nicely, she might be completely different at home. However, I know where you are coming from. It's hard especially when someone is intelligent and attractive

Focus on the fact that you like her, and tell the green eyed monster to stop sabotaging a friendship.

I bet attractive women have this problem a lot. I wouldn't know!

Tell your husband to be more like a non-twat.