Letters from ExH to DC

[CollyWombles]

My dc no longer see their dad after he was convicted of assaulting my son. He hasn't seen them since mid January and I have no intentions of allowing access as it's not the first time he assaulted my dc, it's just the first time there was enough evidence to convict him.

So to the point. He has just pushed four letters through my door, one for each of my DC. I read them and it's mostly full of how much he misses them, how he doesn't know why they don't want to see him and how much he loves them. Him, him, him. As usual. Very little in the way of being concerned with how THEY are doing. My eldest dc letter in particular is very guilt trippy.

What would you do? Would you give the letters to your dc or put them in the bin, which is what I really want to do.

I would keep them locked up somewhere, ideally out of the house. If, when they are adults, they want to know more about what happened you can tell them about the letters & summarise the content. If they still want to read them, hand the letter over.

Absolutely protect your children while they're children. Absolutely respect the adults they will become.

If it was me- id be phoning the police. Call me dramatic but hes obviously unstable and i wouldnt be comfortable with the fact he has the nerve to turn up at your house. Were they posted while you were out? If so maybe he even had the balls to knock on the door. Or what if one of the DC or you bumped into him on the drive?

I agree with pp that he shouldn't be anywhere near your house, let alone initiating contact with your dc.

I would get rid of the letters (shred or burn them). They will just confuse your children and make them feel as though they must consider his feelings.

How old are they? I experienced similar in my teens and was fully informed and aware he was a monster.

If you have any kind of order which he has breached I would definitely report to the police (and probably would notify them anyway, just for future reference).
I would also probably store them for the future in case they want to see them.

My dc are 12 (13 very shortly), 11, 9 and 8. Eldest has aspergers, youngest is under diagnosis for autism. He is in the special needs room at school.

The elder two, I sat them down tonight and explained I had received letters, that I had read them but did not feel happy about letting them read the letters as I felt it would upset them. I gave them the choice and they chose to read them. Afterward, they compared letters and DD2 pointed out how hers was nicey nicey but DD1 was all a guilt trip. DD1 said to burn her letter and she didn't want to read any further ones if he sends them. DD2 said she wants to write back but she can't as it would not be very nice reading for him.

My younger two, I will keep the letters for when they are older.

You Could suggest to DD2 that she writes her letter, but you then just don't send it if that's what she wants to do.

I think you've handled it well.