I can’t deal with my parents any longer !

[Singlemummy27]

As by my name you can see I am a single mother,
Let’s start off by saying my pregnancy was difficult due to DD father and his abusing way but my parents and the help of authorities we got the protection in place before she was born and they helped me greatly. When my daughter was born I had my mother move in with me for the first week to help me due to a bad delivery that had me unable to move. Everything was great yet they started to patent my parenting. I have mentioned this on more then a number of occasions to them, so they are well aware they are doing it. For example I will tell them not to feed her things and they do it right in front of me and other people when out. I look like a joke of a mother to people around me when they do this as if I am not the mother at all and need my parents to raise my daughter.
Now this is my main point.
My parents have her 2 nights a week yet they are co sleeping with her !!!! so my nights with her are a endless battle to get her to sleep in her cot. She has a great routine at my home they don’t follow on at theirs, so the night after a stay at their house it’s like fighting a losing battle. (It’s 5am and she is in her cot screaming to get into my bed)
I have explained she need to go into the cot they have and they make excuses of not liking to leave her or they need to put the cot down , they have both a travel cot and a wooden cot (yet the wooden one need to be moved down it’s a ten minute job)
Do I put my foot down and say your not having her until your follow my parenting rules and my bed time routine ? I feel this is making my daughter hate me because I am having her cry it out (it’s the only way it works). Also it’s at a point where my mam is calling me telling me what to do 24/7 telling me how to live my life ! I have never been out in months with my friends baby free because I am so tired when I don’t have her I sleep !
It’s getting to the point when both dad and I finally get to sleep in the daft hours of the morning we end up sleeping in now till 1pm !!! I really need advice I can’t keep living like this ! I work from home and my business is going down the pan because I am not able to have the time to do things :( please help me !!!

Dd not dad *

Unfortunately you can't change your parents or make them do what you ask, you can only change your own actions.
They aren't going to stop co-sleeping, they are happy doing it, so you will probably have to stop dd staying there if you feel it's bad for her. It's a shame, they'll miss out on spending time with her, and you'll miss the time off, but maybe it will give your parents the wake up call they need to see that you are in charge here.
The circumstances around you needing them so much in the pregnancy and birth now means that they still feel like they are the adults and you are still the child, they know best. Only you can change their minds, there is no incentive for them to change, they are happy with the current way.

I can sympathise with this. I have a dd and my mum was a massive influence in the past few years I lived in my own place until dd was 18 months and then moved back with my mum. She used to nit pick at my parenting and moan at me and I put it aside however I was diagnosed with a chronic disease when dd was 4 and other than only just managing work I was in bed most of the other time until I found treatment that helped. During this time my mum helped massively but also took advantage. She began to bring up dd in her way and ignored all my requests. Again because she was such a big help I put it aside because who can I be to moan when she helped so much. I moved out 18 months ago and my mum has stepped it up. She was sleeping next to my daughter all the time when she stayed over there, feeding her up on adult sized meals and tons of sweets, crisps, chocolate, letting her stay up really late. I have now stopped overnights with them. But we are also having issues in the day too and recently had to tell my mum about something she did that was unacceptable. Que her telling my dd that she got told off by me and my daughter then apologising for it when my mum was in the wrong.

Basically I would stop her seeing your dd for a while and explain why and that it won't start up again before she starts following your way of parenting again. That's what I am having to do now.

Thank you so much I am sorry you had to go through all that. But happy it has now worked out for you.
I spoke to my mother this morning after she ignored my text a text 6am when I finally got dd to sleep. I explained how she won’t be sleeping over unless she is in her cot as in November she was sleeping through the nights in her cot and that her going over my routine she is now not sleeping and it is effecting my house hold and my relationship with my daughter as I find my self snapping more with me not sleeping.
I have also explained if we are out in public or in our own home and you go over me when I tell you no to do something and laugh at my parenting that she and my dad will not be taking her out. Aswell as explains when I am telling my daughter no when she is doing something she should (touching plugs, banging the tv or hitting people that she has suddenly taken up) I do not wish for her my younger sister or my dad laugh at me and mock me by saying no in different tones and voices. My dd has picked up on this and no when I say no she laughs at me.
Let’s hope me putting my foot down this time makes them understand that I am a adult and the parent.
X

@Singlemummy27 well done for getting the courage to speak up it is hard. Stick to your guns. If your mother is anything like mine (she sounds it) then she will guilt trip you and say things to your dd so be prepared. It is hard gaining control back and like I said in my situation it was hard as my mum took care of my daughter for a long period of time when I couldn't! Your dd needs to respect you and listen to your rules your mum had raised her kids now it's your turn your way

Thank you xxx

Hi stand your ground you are her mother and that's you child they have to do it your way and show you the respect you deserve stay strong you know what's best for you and your child and you family need to accept it