(Bit of a long one)
I had a baby with my boyfriend last year and the birth was traumatic, there were complications the main being that my little boy was three months early. After 84 days spent on a neonatal unit he came home in January. All the while little one was in hospital my boyfriend and I were too tired and distracted to have any sort of spark in the bedroom. On New Year's Eve we both got abit drunk then bam the spark came back for a night! Because of complications I hadn't sorted out contraception, we used a condom on New Years but unfortunately I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant again. My boyfriend and I decided that with the stress from the last birth we weren't ready for another child so soon. So I organised a visit to terminate the pregnancy. At the scan I was told it was a twin pregnancy. I had always been against abortion, so getting my head round ending a life was hard, let alone two? It was such a surprise but I knew what I needed to do.. I couldn't have three small children, I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. I bled for five weeks, so during that time I had no 'spark' in the bedroom.. I tried to get it to happen but I'd get shut down or he'd accept oral then roll over and reject me with an excuse like 'I'm too tired' It makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore. He has expressed concerns of me getting pregnant again but refuses to wear a condom, so we just don't do it.. I am on a waiting list for a coil but I'm getting frustrated and my confidence has gone down so much I don't know how to feel sexy anymore. He calls me beautiful but he doesn't express it in anyway. I try to spice things up but still.. how do I spark things up again!