Moved house and virtually NC relatives

[CurlyRover]

I have barely heard from my parents for 6 months following a row (and a huge back history of being thrown out lots as a child, hit, been emotionally unsupportive and lots of other things. The only times I've heard from them has been when they sent Christmas presents and they said thanks for bday card and money.

DP and I have recently bought a house and moved in and don't know whether to let them know.

WWYD - tell them your new address or not bother?

Look ahead into the future....do you see them in your lives? Have you got children? If you don't, can you imagine letting your parents be part of their lives?

I have a 6 year old DSD but none of my own. DSD enjoyed spending time with them previously but hasn't mentioned them all since they pretty much stopped talking to us.

They have some very strong, very unkind views which I wouldn't want passing on to any DC of mine so tbh the less time them have with them the better. For example when DSD was small, she had speech and language issues. She's seeing a SALT and has come on leaps and bounds. Because of this delayed speech, she didn't have the terrible twos but had the terrible fours instead. One day I was really struggling with it and tried asking my Mum for advice. She said DSD was too old to be going through the terrible two like behaviour and should have passed that by now. It's really hard to convey the tone in which it was said but it was said in a really hurtful manner. I'm just so grateful DSD didn't have to hear that from her.

That's not even the worst their views tbh and I certainly don't want those view being a passed onto my DC, step or otherwise.

Though I know my parents would be gutted not to be a part of their grandchildren's lives.

In terms of them being in our lives, I just don't know. I struggle with all they've done to us and they struggle to take any responsibility for their actions. When we were seeing them I found my anxiety was so much worse in the run up to seeing them, when actually with them and sometimes even just after as it took me a while to relax again. In some ways I've been calmer not seeing them but in other ways I wish they were still in our lives. But as my counsellor keeps telling me, perhaps I miss who I want them to be and not who they really are.

It's one only you can answer. May be don't make the decision yet. You can move and decided in six months. Give yourself a date to think about it again and then forget about it till then.
You can then see how you feel having had no communication for a while.

curly I've been here. Except it's 18 months since they stormed out. Both parents have issues with aggression and lack of flexibility/ my way or the highway thinking.

I don't miss them, as such, but I miss the idea of family. I am sad it appears to have ended this way but when I put in boundaries they go mad. I found that I was emotionally detaching from them and have got to the point where I don't expect much from them. It's very painful for you, I know. I'd give it another while as a previous poster suggested. See if they can behave more responsibly. But at the end of the day they have to respect boundaries.