Hi there. I’m desperate for advice on what to do regarding my relationship which is on the rocks due to my partners family. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 3 years now, and things have always been great. We’ve talked of marriage, children, everything. I’ve always got on with his family well, even though I’ve always found them quite overbearing. They’re a very close family, who only seem to socialise with each other and nobody else outside of their ‘circle of trust’ as they call it. Mum and Dad are always heavily involved in anything any of their 3 children do.
Last year my partner decided to open a business, with his two brothers as business partners. Things were going well, and everyone in the family was there to help out. Money was needed to go into this business, my partner failed to save anything and therefore had to borrow 5k from his parents. I refused to take out a loan like his family all expected me to as my partner has already let me down so many times with money and I just could not trust him to pay it back (he is already in quite a lot of debt due to not paying any bills while setting up the business.)
Since the business has opened, his whole family have turned against me. And it all goes back to the fact that I would’nt take out a loan to put into this business. I have supported in any other way possible, I’ve covered all the bills on our home, I’ve worked at the business for free alongside my teaching career, and have done anything else I can to help. Just didn’t take out a loan.
The mother and father don’t speak to me anymore, along with the brothers. And are all telling my partner to leave me and to move out, due to me being ‘unsupportive, selfish, disloyal.’
My partner is a softie, hates drama and wants everyone to be happy. Therefore won’t say anything to his family about how they’ve treated me.
I’ve also read messages between his mother and sister in law that were all about me (the messages were left open on a computer at the business!). These messages were awful, really hurtful, there were lots of name calling and basically slagging off every thing I did. I told the family I had read the messages, but then I was slated for ‘invading their privacy’ and ‘if I’m going to read messages then obviously I’m going to get burned.’
From this, the sister in law threatened me, swore at me, and said she wanted to smash my face through a window.
I have now been told I am not allowed to go to the business and that the family want nothing to do with me ever. This obviously puts my partner in a difficult position, he’s very close to his family but wants to be with me.
I genuinely don’t know if it would be easier to walk away, can I live a life where my partners family is not involved? Can I go through life where I’m not part of my partners business and am never welcome there? What would you do? Help!