Husband won't have sex with me

[cupcakesandglitter]

Sorry if this is a little ranty- I can't sleep.

Me and my husband had a VERY healthy sex life..... and now there's nothing. We're both early 20s, going through such an exciting time in our lives and everything is going great. But he just won't have sex with me - we maybe have sex once a month, and when we do, it's the exact same routine, where I pretty much hardly ever O because he doesn't put the effort in. (But he will finish every time)

I've tried EVERYTHING to get him interested - and I've just spoke to him about it. This was his response "tbh I could see you weren't enjoying it because I kept doing the same thing and so I've backed off"

AIBU? Surely if you can see it's not working you'd try something else? I've literally told him exactly what I want (and there has been times where the sex is great so I know that it's not a case of him being bad in bed)

The problem is, it's really affecting my self esteem, as well as the fact that I have needs too!! It's making me feel super distant from him - we were TTC a few months ago and it seemed okay but I think that was more because we had to DTD in order to conceive.

He honestly just has no interest in having sex with me anymore unless it's the one day of the month he's horny.

What do I do?

Is he watching a lot of porn? Can you look at his search history?

@AjasLipstick tbh I don't think so - I'm not with him most of the week as for work, but we're usually on the phone until one of us fall asleep. I wouldn't even mind if he did, it's just the fact that he can't be bothered to put any effort into me whatsoever

we were TTC a few months ago and it seemed okay but I think that was more because we had to DTD in order to conceive.

Are you still TTC, cupcakes? This can put pressure sexually on even the healthiest of r'ships I think. From a friend of mine, he said that after a while he felt more like his DW's sperm bank than her Husband, and sex changed from being great fun into a scheduled chore. The pressure to perform on set days of the month took all the fun out of it, and he felt more wanted for his sperm than himself, iyswim.
When it goes from spontaneous fun to "We need to have sex later, I ovulate on Tuesday", the desire to have sex can nosedive.
FWIW if you are still TTC, maybe it would be wise to hold off 'actively trying' until this issue is resolved. Because if your sex life is suffering now, a new baby will likely compound every unresolved issue and make it worse.
And if your mismatched sex issue remains unresolved despite you speaking openly to him about how much it's hurting you, and you decided to end of the relationship over it (nobody would blame you), it'd be better all round to do this before having a baby, not after.

My partner stopped wanting to have sex with me about 4 years ago for a period of 4 months. This was in 2013. Last week I found a shit load of emails between him and his wx wife at this exact same time as him just not wanting to sleep with me anymore. Im hearbroken. It took 4 years to find out but knew there was a reason at the time.

Sorry for the delayed response, I've just moved house so everything is a bit hectic!
@NotASingleFuckToGive nope we stopped trying a while back, decided it's not financially sensible to have one now... and even then when we were I wanted him, he knows it's not a TTC thing

@Zippy1114 I'm so sorry 😩 Men really are awful. I've asked if it's anything like that but I don't get a gut feeling that it is - I think it's just pure laziness tbh and he just doesn't feel the need to as often. It's really bugging me though, I don't feel as loved at all