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Staying in a loveless relationship for the sake of your children

2 replies

Emmajanerose · 18/02/2018 11:29

Im in a relationship I don’t want to be in, I’ve tried to split with him on many many occasions but he can’t accept it. I stay because I don’t want to disappoint anyone, or let down and upset my little girls whole world. She’s almost 4, and seems pretty miserable and on edge most of the time herself, she never wants to go out and do things or play much. I do my best but I have to take care of her on my own most of the time, and as much as I love her, I truly struggle, and feel like I’m failing.
I can’t just walk out the door because I have no friends or family that will help, and no money/house. It’s all tied up in a massive mortgage I share with my partner, so I feel it would be easier if we could mutually agree to part and sort the finances/childcare out fairly. But he won’t help me. I don’t have a proper job, I run my own very small jewellery business, I can only make as much money as I have time to make merchandise if that makes sense. Don’t have a huge amount of savings either.
I’m also the worst at making decisions and worry if leaving him really is the best thing to do. We’ve been together 7 years, I can’t see a happy future with him.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I’m done with the same old promises/routine, absence of fun/love/passion in the relationship (not that there ever was any).
He takes care of me, is mostly always kind, a great dad. But I just don’t love him. I don’t know what to do?

OP posts:
misscph1973 · 18/02/2018 11:40

That's a horrible situation to be in. What do you mean when you write "he won't help me"? With child care or agree to split up?

I think a good start would be counselling as you seem confused and you are finding it hard to make decisions. Obviously it's not free, but it should be a priority for you so you can sort out your thoughts. You need to work out what YOU want, and stop doing what you think other people want you to do. Your DD is only 4, you will not disappoint her. She just needs her parents, they don't have to be together to be there for her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2018 12:05

She’s almost 4, and seems pretty miserable and on edge most of the time

Sound like she is mirroring you. Don't buy all the 'staying together for the sake of the kids' crap - living with 2 miserable parents is not better than having 2 separate happy ones.

I know it all seems like a massive snowball at the moment, but if you start unpicking the different elements (finances/childcare/somewhere to live) it will become more manageable.

You need some legal and financial advice. Is there absolutely NO-ONE you can talk to in real life?

Sorry, hope you can make a plan to extricate yourself (and your DD). Do you still want to be living like this in 2, 5 or 10 years time?

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