DP and I have been together 2.5 years. We live together and have done since a month or so in and I have a great relationship with all of his family apart from his Dad.
His father is a piece of shit basically. He left DP’s Mum with 5 children after numerous affairs and never paid a penny for any of them. Fast forward 20 years and he’s not changed. He is an alcoholic with a serious attitude problem and will not take responsibility for his actions no matter what.
We went to a funeral in another country last week (DPs family member) and it cost a lot of money for us to get flights etc but we never complained and made it work.
DPs father also attended this funeral and the goings on around it and was drunk and awful the whole time, saying he spent X amount of money to get there etc when he has far more money than us and doesn’t spend it on anything but alcohol!
At the wake, after a lot of people had left, me and him had words about his lack of parenting skills and refusal to make amends because DP is desperate for them to have a relationship. He was pissed out of his head and causing trouble with everyone. It all came to a head and FIL told me “I don’t fucking like you” and spat in my face and screamed at me etc. A lot of other things got said but that was the worst he did. Nobody saw this as people had dissipated to give us space to talk.
He also insulted other family members (including daughter of person who died).
The next day he apologised to me and said he was out of line etc. I said OK just to keep the peace and not cause a scene in front of all the family. My partner seems desperate for the father he never had and won’t cut him off because he says he will regret it one day and if his dad died he would still be devastated etc that amends hadn’t been made. He can’t seem to see that it is his dad’s place to make amends and he is only going to be let down.
I feel like DP is choosing to have someone in his life who has been horrible to everyone he knows consistently, and it breaks my heart to see him holding out hope for somebody that will never change.
Me and DP had started TTC before the funeral and now I’m panicking because if we ever had a baby I do not want FIL anywhere near and I feel it will cause trouble.
WWYD?
(Please don’t say leave DP because it’s not an option - I love him and want a family with him I just do not want FIL involved)