Bad marriage

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I am married to a compulsive liar. When we met, he claimed to have been to University, even telling me which University and which subject he had read & yet he had never been and did not even have A-Levels. He told me he was wealthy & he wasn't (which makes me sound like a gold digger- I wasn't- but I was pleased to think he was financially secure as I was a single Mum). Everything he owned was on credit to create an image.

Over fifteen years later, and another child later, the lies are still continuing. I am exhausted by our crappy marriage to the point where I rarely go out and I suffer from anxiety. I never go out with friends- my Uni and school friends would probably wonder what I was doing with such a man and I just make excuses not to see them. I feel like I have nothing to offer them conversation wise. Plus, the facade would be draining, having to pretend I was happy. I have this weird, misplaced loyalty to him so I do not let him down and tell people about the lies. My real friends would probably see the hurt in my eyes if I actually saw them and communicated outside of WhatsApp but I don't see them.

It has got to a point where I am so emotionally battered that I do not feel strong enough to leave him even though I know that I should not be with this 'man'. When I met him I was slim, bubbly and young. I now feel old, fat, anxious and very dependant on the very person who made me like this.
I am basically already single: I do not feel married I am totally celibate and have been for YEARS. I am really lonely. I want to rebuild myself again so that I can feel confident enough to go out there and get a job so that I no longer feel reliant on this 'man'.
I have mentioned counselling and he agrees to it verbally when he realises I am close to leaving but he never intends to go. He agrees it to shut me up. Anyway, probably all I want the counsellor to say is that she agrees we should not be together.
So why am I posting this? I guess I want you to tell me that I AM strong enough to leave a liar & I guess I also hope that writing it down will somehow make it all clearer for me. I also would like to hear from other people who have experience of being married to liars, please. Thanks for reading.

Why haven't you divorced him yet?

Because I have felt so warn down that I have not had the strength to do so- I thought that I had made this clear in my original post. I have to decide if I will be able to cope with being the one who is responsible for splitting the family up etc- probably the usual reasons why people in bad marriages stay.

Worn*

Hi OP,
I'm very sorry that you've had such an unsympathetic response so far. (You could get this thread moved to relationships, plenty of people can give you practical help there).

You sound amazing - loyal, whilst perceptive.
As I think you know that you are done with this marriage why not seek counselling on your own. Relating the facts to someone and hearing their unbiased reaction can be very healing.

And then make a plan but start with baby steps. Make contact with one friend and tell them the truth. You might be surprised by how much other people do value you. I hope so anyway. Good luck. You don't need this loser dragging you down 💐

@fc301 Many thanks for your kind message and wise words. I think that counselling is a very good idea.
Best wishes and thanks again.

It took me 2 years to leave an abusive liar. But I did it... You only get 1 life op, don't sacrifice yours for such a man. All dc need is a happy dm imo /e. So find strength and give them one.

I think you know that the marriage is over. Start making plans to leave, finances, living arrangements etc. Once you have things sorted it will make actually leaving less daunting and easier to carry through.
Protect your children from being constantly let down like you have been.

@Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman I am sorry that you experienced this too. Well done for leaving.
Many thanks for your post

@WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe Thank you for your wise and practical advice. I know that you are right.

It's small steps to begin with OP, choosing achievable goals which make you feel like you're getting somewhere will give you the strength and confidence to take the next step and then the next. It will take a bit of time (much as we'd all like to see you leave him immediately!) but each little success will make you feel stronger and get you closer to where you want to be.

What those goals should be is up to you, counselling is a great idea but if it's going to take a little while to get that organised have a think about what you could do in the meantime. Anything that builds your confidence, gets you a little bit closer to being able to leave him or simply makes you happy is absolutely worth doing.

The Relationships board on here is brilliant for both practical ideas/help and emotional support so maybe start a thread there you can use to motivate you and see your progress as you go along. I suspect once you start wild horses won't hold you back but we're more than happy to support you and cheer you on

@Hidingtonothing
Thank you so much for your message.
I will look at the relationships section and think about starting a post. Many thanks for your help.