Angry husband

[Rosiepicnic]

I am currently married to a man with anger issues. Things have got quite a lot worse since having our daughter 11 months ago. His angry outbursts are more frequent & more nasty, to the point where he has wished me dead, called me every possible name you could think of, been generally vile to me.
I know this cant carry on. He sways between admitting he has a problem & vowing to get help & other times saying its all my fault he loses his temper & he has no problem.

Im starting to doubt hes ever really going to try & get help for his issues so im trying to think of worst case scenario. If i leave, i dont think i have any choice but to allow him access to our baby. At the moment, i pretty much care for her all the time, he does the 'disney dad' bit mostly for other peoples benefit. His anger is never aimed at her, always at me & sometimes the poor dog :( but i just cant bring myself to leave knowing i would have to share custody with him.

I feel like my choices would be, stay & bear the brunt of his vile tempers but at least i can always be there to try & protect our daughter, or leave, & have no control over how he treats her when shes in his care. I know he loves her but I cant bear the thought of him ever aiming his anger at her. I also know how damaging it would be for her to witness him being abusive to me if i stay.

I just dont know what to do, do i have any other options? I wondered if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation

stay & bear the brunt of his vile tempers but at least i can always be there to try & protect our daughter, or leave, & have no control over how he treats her when shes in his care

No no, you need to look at this another way:

Stay and bear the brunt of his vile tempers and allow your daughter to be exposed to emotionally damaging behaviour which will certainly influence the relationships she will have at present and in future, both romantic & social

OR

Leave and trust that as long as you are candid with your solicitor, giving acccurate examples of how he is with just you, never mind anyone else, it’s extremely unlikely any court would approve him being in sole charge of his infant daughter.

Based on what the op says, I can’t see anything which would prevent him having contact with his daughter after separation. You can hope that he won’t actually want to look after her on his own if you are the one who does everything (my exh doesn’t see the dc.)

Thank you for the replies. You are of course right beans deep down i know i cant let her grow up witnessing that, & its better to walk now while shes still young. I do believe a lot of his behaviour stems from his own upbringing. I just cant believe ive ended up in this situation. He was so adament he wanted to be nothing like his own dad & when she was born its like a switch was flicked & hes turning into everything he said he never wanted to be. I just wish he could at least try & get help but i dont believe any more that he will

I left XH for exactly this kind of behaviour. It was the best decision of my life and I've never once regretted it. It was a hellish divorce (took 5 years because XH didn't want to pay adequate child support, then he tried to claim I was mentally unstable, an alcoholic, a prescription drug abuser, blah, blah, blah) but the DC and I are so much happier. We struggle financially but it's totally worth it. Good luck, OP!

I'm in the same boat. DD is 14 months old. Husband's been sleeping in the couch for 5 days in a row now after I've completely shut down after getting cussed out for asking him what he was going to wear to meet friends. I just can't take it anymore. I don't feel like he cares about me or loves me at all. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you but know that you aren't alone in going through what you're going through.