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I think my friend is a compulsive liar

16 replies

y0rkier0se · 27/01/2018 10:31

I have a friend who I met through work. I’ve known her just over a year and we regularly go out together and I enjoy her company. She left for another job so we don’t work together anymore. Things she says niggle me and I struggle to believe that this many bad things can happen to the same person in one year? For example, she’s supposedly been in a relationship twice during this last just over a year. She told me that the first guy turned stalkery, turned up on a night out with a mutual friend, turned up at work and another colleague asked him to leave. I mentioned it to the mutual friend and said how weird and she didn’t know what I was talking about, she said no guy turned up. I didn’t mention it directly to the colleague but I saw him the next day after she’d phoned me in tears saying he’d turned up at work (we work different hours so I wasn’t there at the time) and I feel like he would’ve said something to me, knowing that me and her were good friends. She said the second “boyfriend”, who I saw lots of pictures of but never of them together or anywhere she’d been, both didn’t have Facebook, desperately wanted another baby (he was already married with a daughter but their relationship was failing - apparently) so turned up at her house with pregnancy vitamins, ovulation tests and oily fish. And she carried on seeing him. I just can’t see how it’s plausible and how any sane person would carry on that relationship. She told me her mum had booked a surprise weekend away for her and her boyfriend last year and it wasn’t cancelable, she wished her mum hadn’t interfered and booked it etc as they split up so I went with her. When we got to the hotel, she handed over her card. I remember saying I thought your mum had paid for it and you knew nothing about it? And she said her mum had transferred her money to pay for it but she booked it in her own name. So it wasn’t a surprise then? It just doesn’t add up, but recently the things she’s telling me have got a lot more sinister. She has a disabled sister with severe autism, and she phoned me one day in tears to say that it’s come out that the respite place her sister has been going to have been molesting her. I was obviously shocked and went round to comfort her, and she said not to mention it to her mum because it would upset her knowing I knew. I wouldn’t have mentioned it anyway but to specifically ask seems like she’s hiding something. Then, she went on holiday with all her family (her son and sister too). To the same resort they always go to and have done for years. She says that on the first night she went drinking with two of the bar staff who took her down to their quarters in the basement and raped her. She says she told her mum. I told her she needs to phone the police, she says they wouldn’t believe her. They have booked to go back there next year - surely that wouldn’t happen?! There was a Facebook message from the manager saying to please leave it, but the way it was worded sounded more to me like she’d had an infatuation with one of the bar staff and she was hounding him and the manager asked her to leave him alone. Then, on a night out with a colleague (who she’d added on Facebook and messaged a few times to ask for help regarding work - nothing personal, she showed me the messages) she went on an almighty strop because he kissed someone after leading her on. Except to anybody else, he had done nothing to lead her on. The final thing was Thursday night. She told me she’d been seeing a councillor. I asked why, and she told me it’s come out through work (?) that her dad groomed her as a child. She kept saying she felt dirty and work were referring her to the adul safeguarding board. I don’t know what to think - if all this has happened to her and I don’t believe her then I’m the worst friend ever. But so many things just don’t add up. Is she a fantasist? Or a liar? I’ve never dealt with anything like this before so I don’t know what to do. Can I maintain a friendship with her? Sad

OP posts:
y0rkier0se · 27/01/2018 10:31

Sorry that is so long Shock

OP posts:
greekyoghurt · 27/01/2018 10:34

The false rape allergations are beyond the pale. Distance yourself swiftly and without remorse.

PreparingToBeAMummy · 27/01/2018 10:38

She sounds mentally ill and like she is in need of significant help.

You are not a professional able to give her that help, though, and you do not have to be there for her until she seeks help/whilst she receives help. There is a chance she will never seek help at all.

Interested in this thread?

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y0rkier0se · 27/01/2018 10:40

Thanks so much, it helps to get this all down. I just keep thinking what if it is true and I’ve walked away, she doesn’t have any other close friends - maybe this is why. DP says she needs help too. I know her family. Her grandma lives over the road from me and I bump into her almost daily. Lots of questions would be asked if I just stopped seeing her.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 27/01/2018 10:43

Stay very far away from her. People like that are downright dangerous. She will accuse you of something sooner or later.

JuliaSevern · 27/01/2018 10:44

You wouldn't go back on holiday to where you were raped by staff the year before so definitely lying

Cracker09jacker · 27/01/2018 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuliaSevern · 27/01/2018 10:57

I agree that she's dangerous.

PreparingToBeAMummy · 27/01/2018 10:59

I would possibly be tempted to mention it to someone in her family. She is at huge risk herself- as well as causing issues for others.

Cherrycokewinning · 27/01/2018 11:01

I don’t think she’s necessarily mentally ill. Compulsive lying isn’t a mental illness.

I have an ex friend who lies constantly. Some things were minor. There were a few major but they didn’t affect anyone else. But at the end of the day it’s like what are you getting out of this shit? Nothing: back away

y0rkier0se · 27/01/2018 11:03

Thanks all, I think you’ve confirmed what I already knew. Good advice crackerjacker, I will. I’ve never even considered that her lies could be dangerous to me though.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 27/01/2018 11:08

You will be on the receiving end of these lies at some point.

^I agree. Stay away from here

RebelRogue · 27/01/2018 13:11

Some people lie.
Some people thrive on drama and gravitate towards it,go looking for it.
Some people are very unlucky and encounter a lot of crazy.
Only you know which category your friend fits in or if it's a mix of both

Verity18 · 28/01/2018 11:49

I was messaged by a friend, whom I have known online for several years but never actually met, a couple of weeks ago. She had booked to go away with her boyfriend and 2 other friends this weekend but has recently split with her boyfriend and asked if I would like to join them in his place. They had booked and paid for the weekend months ago using her credit card. It was an event I would have liked to attend and I agreed. I somewhat foolishly in hindsight forwarded the cost of the weekend (£150) to her immediately rather than give it her this weekend. Unfortunately over the following 5 days I became unwell resulting in me being signed off work for the next 2 weeks and more than likely for a while longer. I would add this is extremely unusual for me - it is years since I had even 1 day off work but I am really unwell. I told my friend I would be unable to go and unfortunately she has been unable to find anyone else who wanted the ticket. She initiallly said she would have to reimburse me and I have suggested a fair option would be for the 3 remaining in the party to contribute an extra £50 each as the accommodation had already been booked and paid for in advance and it appears the boyfriend never contributed his share. They would have had no other option had I not already handed over £150. However she is now saying she has paid her credit card with my £150 and basically it is morally right that I stand to the loss as I 'changed my mind'. If only that was the case! I realise that legally I don't have a leg to stand on, but morally? If the situation was reversed I would feel compelled to reimburse her - or am I just too 'soft'?

y0rkier0se · 28/01/2018 13:28

I think you meant to add a new thread x

OP posts:
Verity18 · 28/01/2018 13:54

Sorry 😩

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