christening advice needed

[Tuttytoffee]

I have 4 DC, 2 Older DC are from a previous relationship. Dad is involved a little bit but the DC hate going there. The family is a bit rough. I also Have 2 younger DC to my now DP.

I have never had my 2 older children christened as i was a very young mum and alone. Now my DP is wanting to have the younger 2 christened. That's fine but then I feel terrible that the older 2 haven't been and they've asked me if they could be a part of the ceremony too. The only problem I have is that my current Dp would not want my ex and his family there. I couldn't just have the younger 2 christened as it doesn't seem fair.

What would you do in this situation? I feel like I'm stuck. I should add that my MIL as asked if she could pay for everything including a gathering afterwards for both of our big families.

Should I have the girls christened separately before hand and let them have a party with that side? And then I could have them join in on the younger ones christening?

Maybe I'm over thinking it all.

Do they want to be christened or Just join in and have a blessing? My stepdaughter wasn’t christened but at DDs christening the vicar involved her; bringing her up to the front etc.
If they do want to be christened I’d be tempted to say to their dad you’ll have them done separately but he has to pay for the half the party afterwards if he wants him and his family to come. You could then ask for a blessing or similar at the younger twos ceremony.
If he isn’t willing to do that then just christen them with your younger two children.

I think he would be ok with a separate party. I wasn't sure whether there would be a way to involve the older 2 in with the younger 2s day and have a party for all 4 afterwards. I was thinking of having them done a week before and then they could have a party for their DF side that day then have the younger 2 christened the following week and somehow have them a part of that in the church so I could then have the party for all 4. They do want to be christened as they've asked me when my DP mentioned it. My DP I know will not want the ex there with his own children and he has basically brought the older 2 up and sees them as his kids. When their dad has gone AWOL. It would probably feel like a slap in the face to him.

Could you invite your ex but not his family to the christening? We didn't have my side of the family for my youngest's and it was fine. It was quite a small thing though, just the people who normally come to the church anyway plus about 5 others I think.

No I don't think that would work. There's no way my DP would want all my ex's family there including ex. Especially afterwards. Me and Dp have lots of friends and both have massive families. That's why my MIL wants to pay as she knows it'll cost a small fortune catering for everyone. If the church would do the older 2 a week before the younger 2 and then also involve them the following week that would solve my problem. I don't know if it's possible. Would it be ok to have a party for all 4 DC if only the younger 2 were actually christened on that day?

This is all my own fault I suppose for not having the older 2 done sooner.

Speak to your priest/vicar - they should be able to accommodate the week before if your older two want to be christened. Alternatively they can read the prayers or readings should they want to just be involved.

Do they want to be Christened? Will they need a prep course?

Because I was wondering how old they are, and whether they could be done separately - can it be combined with First Communion (if your denomination does that)?

The important thing is their commitment to God and the Church, if they are behind infancy. And that's worth another party!

The priest has sent me a text saying they will be in touch next week. I will ask then. The older 2 do want to be christened. They are 9 and 11.

I've explained all this on the form so hopefully she will be able to tell me what's what next week. I will try and speak to the ex and see how he feels about the situation in the meantime.

He's very easy going in the sense that he probably won't give a shiny shite but I always like to over worry about things.