Ex & Theatre trip

[Cakefortea1]

Need some advice from people not involved.

Every year for approx 10 years a family member has paid for me, now ex, kids, my parents to go to the theatre at Christmas as our gift. My friend and her family also come.

My ex & I split up almost 2 years ago but tickets for last year had already been bought so reluctantly went. It was awkward.

My kids are teens so old enough to understand.

This year we both have new partners. I’d like to invite mine along to my family event.

I’ve not been invited to anything by my ex’s family at all.

My mum found the split very hard but in my eyes needs to accept it. My dad still sees him with my son for a sport which is fine but parents still run about after him doing stuff. Fair enough he was their SIL for 20 years.

He did however treat me badly & do some awful things. We are on speaking terms for kids sake.

My mum today said they were booking tickets and I said I’d want one for my boyfriend. She said oh well ex could invite his girlfriend. I said that would be awkward. It’s my friends and family. I need to move on.

I have no idea what to do. My mum has put me in an awkward situation. Fair enough keep in touch but I’m with someone else now.

What do you suggest?

I think it is more weird they continue to invite your ex to this family outing whether they invite your new boyfriend or not.

I think it's weird of your DM to invite your ex.

It's one thing to stay in touch and another to force you to carry on with a pre-split tradition.

I'd tell her that's it's not ok with you and you'd like it if she respected that.

I would tell her that as you and ex are no longer together it’s no longer necessary to have you both on joint family outings.

If they wish to maintain a relationship with your ex that is their prerogative however that relationship is and should remain separate to their relationship with you.

As such I would tell your mum that you assume the ticket they assumed was for ex is in fact for your new partner and as such he will be going instead of ex. This is what they call moving on. .

I would be clear with your Mum that you will feel really uncomfortable if she continues to invite him and therefore would prefer it if she didn't and certainly not to extend the invitation to his GF. Be clear, don't hint, use euphemisms. Just say something like " Mum, ex isn't my husband anymore and I would prefer you not to involve him in family events. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I'm sure you wouldn't want me to feel like that. It's up to you if you want to see him separately but not as a family Christmas gathering."
If she will not listen, could you ask your Dad, a sibling to talk to her on your behalf - that its not on to invite him to a family Christmas event. I'd say get one of the kids to mention it to her if they were late teens.

Thank you all. I was thinking I was being mean or unreasonable. My DM is very sensitive and will be upset but I have to stop this now. Why she thought I’d be ok with it I don’t know.

I almost want to just stop the tradition now as it’s tainted now for me my mum suggesting that.

I would not go on the pantomine trip. If your children want to let them. You and your OH can spend the time together.
Your DM maybe sensitive, but what about your feelings? DM needs to understand that your marriage is well and truly over and that exhusband is no longer part of your life.