Ex is taking me to court for breaking child arrangement order

[Barefootonthegrass]

Hi, new to net mum's as of today! I am hoping that someone out there will read this and be able to give me some advice. Any advice at all.

My ex and I have a 5 year old daughter together. I left him 4 years ago as he was very violent and controlling, to the point he would have cctv cameras inside our house to check up on me, who went in and out the house when he went to work. He would check it whilst at work and phone me if I was sitting down telling me to do House work!! He got so bad that I packed one suitcase and I left when he was at work one day. He saw on the cctv and drove round with his dad to change the locks. My home and possessions and my daughters toys I had no access too. He slashed all of our daughters toys and dumped them onto my parents drive.. I am just trying to give you all a glimpse of how bizarre he is.

He went to my work and tried lying to them about me to get me the sack. He got his family to harass me and my family. When I changed jobs he hand delivered letters about me with more lies.

Everything was reported to the police.

Social services got involved, I stopped my ex seeing our daughter as a few years ago he refused to give her back, I had to call the police. He snatched her out of my arms when I met someone else. Court wanted him to see our daughter in a contact centre for a few months which went well. He then got over night contact around 9 months ago.

I live in central London with my 5 year old and baby. The order we agreed I would meet him at his family members for handover. I agreed to this. It is around a 50 min drive.

The problem I now have is that my car is not running, it's 15 years old and had it. I cannot afford a new one at the moment. Travelling publicly would take 2 trains and 2 busses and a very long walk in the dark with my baby and 5yo. Then getting home again from Kent with my baby. To do this journey again to collect my 5 yo the next day. I told him I cannot make it to handover, but I could get a lift 10 minutes away to my family members. My family refuse to do him favours and drive to him when they believe it is his job to collect his child.

He refused to do the 10 min drive and is now taking me to court for breaching the order.

I told him he can collect her still from my family that are 4 miles from him. He will now do this but is still taking me to court. Even though I let him have our daughter last weekend which was my weekend, I offered it to him as he missed his for refusing to drive to get her from my families.

He has told social services more lies about me, which they have investigated and know he was making it all up.

He also tells our daughter she isn't allowed to call me when she's with him. He also tells her that my new baby is not her brother... he is her half brother. This upsets her and is cruel.

I do not believe in half sister half brother..... they are both my children I have sole care of and are brother and sister in my eyes.

Any advice please ladies?? Xxxx

This sounds really difficult; is he taking you to court just due to the change of handover place? If that’s his only reason then in my experience the courts won’t be massively patient with him wasting their time as you r offered a fair alternative an he’s just trying to exert control over you.
Do you keep a record of what he says to you or what you hear via your daughter? I would keep a record but unfortunately I don’t think there is much you can do about what he says to your daughter

Sorry no experience at all. He sounds like a vile, horrible man. You are doing the best by your children and any decent judge will see this. You haven't stopped contact, you have just altered the handover point. Hopefully he will get read the riot act for wasting the courts time. Good luck xxx

Definitely keep a record of all communication, especially the reasons why you have to change contact. Have you got a timeline in place to get a new car/fix old car?

His behaviour will not do him any favours in court. Keep messages and recordings of everything.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my very long thread! And for replying. He is taking me to court as just temporarily I need to change the hand over location. I can get to my parents easily as they will collect me and take me and the kids there which is 10 mins from him. He said "it is your responsibility to get to hand over". It's is 10 mins from him to drive down the motor way. I would have to get a bus into town and another bus to his. Then walk half a mile to him. It's just too much at 6pm in the evening, I wouldn't get home till late with my baby. As soon as I get another car I am willing to drive again as agreed.
It's so annoying because I know if his car broke down I would drive to Wales to collect our daughter no questions asked. I would never ask him to get trains and busses etc in the winters evenings. He is so vile and selfish. If you can see that then hopefully the judge will xxx

My mum is getting a new car in March.
I am planning to buy her old one from her. It is a great car runs well still. So 2 months. I have told my ex this.

He is continually trying to control you. Agree with keeping a diary of his actions

Maintain the “dd is available for you to collect at x times on x dates for th foreseeable future from x address. This is due to me having no transport temporarily.
I’ve no wish to prevent your contact taking place so will ensure dd is ready for pick up”

Repeat repeat repeat. He’d look like a massive twat even telling a solicitor to take it back to court. You are being reasonable and offering a very reasonable temporary alternative.

Keep being reasonable and you’ll be fine.

Do not offer anymore, what you have out in the table is absolutely doable for him.

In all honesty I would look at this as positive . He is going to look like a dick and it will all be documented in court

Sound advice from itiswise. This on repeat. Don't engage in any thing else with him. He's trying to intimate, threaten and control you. X

Why is it purely your responsibility? What an arse! I have no experience of the court system but I should think he'd be laughed out of court.

Isitwise - Perfect! Thank you all so much. Really glad that I posted and so grateful. You have restored my confidence that I am being fair and reasonable. I will continue to be so!!

Xx