Ex mil & party

[peppapig17]

Had an email today from ex mil. Was regarding a birthday party for my DS's cousin who is a couple of weeks younger than him. Ex usually has contact with DS at my Flat (circumstances changed recently very long story) Saturdays for 2-3 hours. The party is on a Saturday and greatly overlaps the time ex usually has him.

In the message she asked if I would let her and her partner take DS to this party, for 3 hours, to a house that is unknown to me and DS to a room full of strangers (I have only met members of this family once LO has never met them they've never bothered meeting him - he has just turned 1)

Ex hadn't mentioned anything to me and was never mentioned at any point in the message and I found it all a bit odd. Am I just thinking too much into it or is that weird??

Should also state - ex mil herself has only seen DS a handful of times herself in the last year, only if she comes with ex. Probably 6 or 7 times

That is weird, 3 hours with strangers sounds scary, I wouldn't let them

Namechanged thank you. Glad it's not just me!! Obviously I know OF them, that they are ex's aunt, cousins etc but only met most of them once, around 4 years ago and as I said DS hasn't met them at all, ever. I responded with 'as DS hasn't met these family members and it's such a long time, I don't think it's appropriate'

She never responded and is probably off sulking/hating on me. Either one is fine by me!!

Strange your ex did not say that he would be taking your DS to his cousins birthday party on Satursday.
That to me would be perectly normal but for exMIL to ask to take him is weird. I would not let your son go on that basis
Are you able to speak to your ex about this?

I think that's all very sad. His granny wants to take him to his cousins birthday. For a few hours. Unless this MIL has been abusive to you in the past I think it's a nice thing for DS to bond more with his family. As you say yourself there has not been much contact but there never will be with your attitude to it.

I'm sure there's loads more background to this but on the info you've given I think YABU.

I feel like there must be a backstory here?

Your DS is 1?
Wouldn't it be a bit odd/unsettling for him to spend 3hrs with what are pretty much complete strangers, with neither you or his DF there?
My son would have hated it at that young age.

I'm sure the 1 yr old would be fine. They have met grandparent 6-7 times and 1 yr olds often head off to nursery or a childminder's etc without parent there for a few hrs first time even and are usually fine. Let's not be overly dramatic about it. And if the child didn't settle they could come home early. Probably they'd have a blast.

Ex was emotionally and financially abusive to me, and there's loads about him but not especially specific to this if that makes sense? My main issue was/is ds would be going there yes he knows ex mil but she hasn't been massively involved in his life up until now, just the odd visit with ex when he has come, and as far as I know ex isn't going. He's never met any of the family that would be at the party. I genuinely think they wouldn't bring him back if he was unsettled.

They are your ds family also. How would you prefer he met them? Ever single one queuing at your door on a weekend?
Surely his dgm can be trusted to look after him?

@Figrollsnotfatrolls from when ds was a tiny baby I've always said 'isn't your family coming to see him' to ex and his reply was (and I quote) 'well I've asked them and they're not bothered'

Maybe they didn't want to intrude on the time ex had with your dc,? I have had it back off from dgs as dil (split up) was asking me to have dgs when she really should have asked his df!!

Possibly. There was a bit of drama from when we got married, they (family in question - ex's aunt uncle cousins etc) behaved horrendously and ended up not coming at all. So could be that I guess - but I made it clear that everyone was always welcome to visit when DS was born and that extended until, well, now really! There are a lot f issues of which I'm fully aware but I just don't think it's appropriate for them to not bother, then ex mil asks to take DS even tho ex isn't going at all?! And as I said it's supposed to be his contact time and ex has never bought it up or asked - I doubt he even knows his mum asked me!

It's really hard being an exmil I tell you!! But if you can forge some sort of relationship with her and she has the best intentions for your ds it's worth investing a bit of time /effort!!

@Figrollsnotfatrolls oh I have tried!! I even went out of my way to say to her she was welcome to come to see DS she doesn't have to go through ex/come with ex if she was free and wanted to see him she could text me and we'd arrange it. Happened once, 7 months ago never since