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AIBU ?- FRIEND ANGLING FOR MONEY FOR HER GROWN UP SON....

9 replies

mimosaadorna · 09/01/2018 18:30

I really some advice here, I think. A friend, who has a 30 something son with mild learning disabilities, has recently posted on FB, following a theft from his bank account of £500. It appears that at some point in the past, he gave 1 friend his PIN number, so the friend could get him some money from the cash point. At a much later point, this friend obviously told someone the pin, and my friends son found his account £500 light. The bank won't help as hey maintain the pin was given out freely - my friends son lives on his own, and is high functioning with his learning difficulties, so they say he's quite capable of understanding the need not to give his pin out. Anyway, said friend stated publicly on FB she was too hard up to help him (she works as a well paid management consultant). Having posted this on FB, and made a real sob story out of it, other friends began offering money for hard up grown up son, and friend then gave them her Paypal address so they could make donations. I m appalled by this as I think it's low, and really just scrounging !- it's made feel uneasy about my friend, as I would never dream of airing this kind of incident in "public", and then accepting money from friends for my grown up child - I'd go without myself to help him first !- and there is no doubt friend has the money to do so (although she maintains not !) AIBU ?????...or overly judgemental??,....it's made me want to distance myself from a previously ok friendship.....Hmm

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 10/01/2018 05:57

You are not being unreasonable. Putting a begging bowl out on Facebook is low indeed, it does not matter if she has the means to replace the money or not.
If I were the boys mother I would not replace the money to teach him a valuable lesson, not to give his pin out to anyone. Of course I would not see him without money. I certainly would not be begging on FB.
You are right to distance yourself OP your friends moral compass is a bit skewed. Makes you wonder what she will ask for next.

Fionne · 10/01/2018 06:14

Dont you need the card and the pin number to get money?

RiotAndAlarum · 10/01/2018 07:02

A story like that is good for warning others. Both what happened to her son, and what is happening to her own gullible friends!

I hope he's changed his bloody PIN!

FinallyHere · 10/01/2018 09:26

Another idle reader wondering how a PIN can get money out in the absence of the actual card?

I could understand it, if a note had been taken of the card number, expiry date and the security code on the reverse. Just the PIN, not so much.

Fionne · 10/01/2018 10:32

Another idle reader wondering how a PIN can get money out in the absence of the actual card?

I could understand it, if a note had been taken of the card number, expiry date and the security code on the reverse. Just the PIN, not so much

I can't understand it all.

Poshindevon · 10/01/2018 14:47

PPs you are focusing on the pin number. How the sons money came to be stolen is irrelevant what is important is that his mother is pleading poverty on Facebook.

Fionne · 10/01/2018 17:18

How the sons money came to be stolen is irrelevant what is important is that his mother is pleading poverty on Facebook.

How the money came to be stolen is important when it comes to deciding if you believe what’s being said.

mimosaadorna · 10/01/2018 18:20

I've angled for more information, and it appears that the bank think the pin was obtained some time before it was used again when said person had the card in their possession too - done presumably so as not to arouse suspicion at the time.....despite it obviously being a criminal act the bank are loathe to get involved ( and you can see why). Thank you everyone for your comments and input.....At least now I don't feel like I'm being really judgemental over something that's not my business..... and whereas I was set to actually do some stuff with said friend which meant we be doing more together I'm going to step back from that..... I just think the whole episode is horrible and distasteful ☹️.

OP posts:
Fionne · 10/01/2018 18:53

Two people appeared to agree with you so Im at a loss as to how you can think you were being reasonable.

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