Sending gifts that aren't acknowledged

[runningongin]

For the third year running BIL and his partner have not acknowledged Christmas and birthday gifts we sent his DC and SDC. I vowed that we would stop sending their kids gifts going forward because I just think it's plain rude.

Both DH and I have large families and Christmas is always hugely expensive. All the DC's get a cash gift from us and every parent contacted us to thank us apart from BIL and his partner. They also fail to send gifts for my DSS - long story but he lives 200 miles away from us and is often 'forgotten' by some members of DH's family.

Anyway, DH's lovely sister is throwing a birthday party for her DD which we are attending. It's now been changed to a joint birthday party for her DD and BIL's DSS.

DH says we can't buy for DNiece and not buy for Dstepnephew which I agree with because it'd be mean to differentiate but how do I handle this? Would you say something? DH says I just need to get over it but present giving has been largely down to me as he lost his job last year and has since returned to work but on a much lower salary meaning that all miscellaneous costs fall to me.

I would send cards to both kids, give dn a gift voucher and just a caRd to dns.

A card or phone call thanking for presents received is a big thing to me. It takes very little time to to write a card/email/phone call.

The dsn/additional Bil kids would be off my list Christmas 2018

I was thinking of 'forgetting' cards at home and then posting Dniece's card to her after the party.

I certainly won't be sending BIL's kids and step kids Christmas gifts this year but feel this birthday is a difficult situation because of it being a joint one.

Christmas just gone was really difficult and we didn't buy for each other as all the family dc gifts wiped us out. It's not hard to send a quick text is it?

Bump.

You can't really

Personally i feel Like you shouldn’t leave out your BIL’s kids just because their parents haven’t sent a thank you. Although it is a really sh*y thing for them not to say thank you, I would personally feel guilty for treating the kids differently because of their parents rudeness. I do Know how you feel though as we have friends who didn’t send a thank you after their wedding for the gifts we gave or a thank you for the gift we bought for their newborn. Some people just don’t think.

I do feel guilty, that's the issue but how do I stop myself getting more and more annoyed every time they fail to acknowledge we are spending money on his kid and step kids?

Can you not just do a token gift for bil kids? Some chocs or a book? You've given something, but not had to put much effort in therefore not being thanked will rankle less.

I could but BIL previously made a big hoo ha in the past about how everyone has to treat his two step kids exactly the same as all the bio kids in the family and it caused a massive row three christmases ago because one person bought the stepkids a board game and gave the bio kid money so I'd like to not start another argument.
Wonder if I should just say something?

It’s obviously (and rightly so) annoyed you and it’s leaving you in a predicament so i think Maybe you should politely address the issue with the BIL. Or get hubby to if you don’t feel comfortable. Then, give them one last chance and if they still don’t say thank you then don’t bother getting them gifts any more. I’m sure they will then get the hint! Sometimes people just don’t think and maybe if you told them that you’re a little offended that you didn’t get thanked they might feel really embarrassed.

This is a huge bugbear for me too; I made a massive effort with kids in our family this year with zero thanks from over half of them. I just don’t know if I could cope with the drama of not buying though. I like the idea of putting in less effort.

DH won't say anything. He's so laid back he's practically horizontal! He doesn't ever seem to get offended by anything. I think I'm going to turn up with nothing and post a gift later to dniece.

I have a large family on my father's side and heaps of aunts/uncles/cousins. I really couldn't tell you who gave gifts to who and who was left out or who got more spent on them.

Tell the Bil he is fucking rude.

We only buy birthday presents for children, not Christmas, that'd wipe us out. Family and friends have agreed and follow suit. DS gets enough from us at Christmas.

If gifts are causing such a faff, stop them.