Would you change your surname by deed poll to be the same as your child's?

[youhaveafacefortheradio]

Hello, just as the title says really?
DFiancé and I were going to get married but kept putting it off. We now have a 18 month old and I hate the fact we have a different surname. A wedding at the moment is completely out of the question due to childcare so would really be another 3.5/4 years before we could do that.
So we were thinking changing my surname by deed poll just now would take the pressure off and we could plan our wedding and make it everything we've ever dreamed of.

I would wither do a quickie weddi v or double barrel the child's surname

Just do a registry office wedding and still plan a big celebration later down the line.

I did it OP. We have been together a long time and both decided marriage wasn't for us. I changed my name and we went out for a family celebration meal. To me I am as much Mrs DP as I would be if we were married x

It's up to you really. We wanted to be married before our first child was born, and before I was showing. So we planned our wedding in 2 months. It meant a lot to me personally to be married and have my husbands name first.
Yes we had to sacrifice some of what we would of had if we'd had longer to plan and save, but it was still perfect.
Ultimately it depends if you'd be happy to change your name now then marry later, or if you'd prefer to be married sooner, then have a big party later.

I did it. Changed when I was pregnant with DD. We will probably get married at some point but DP wants a wedding we can't currently afford. I was happy to change as I had an unusual surname that I hated anyway. I figure if me and DP ever broke up I would keep my new name to match DD anyway. I refer to him and husband sometimes as it confuses people when we have the same name but not married.

It might make a difference but I was given my mums maiden name, her and my dad separated and she got married and changed her name and had another child so I've always lived in households where I am the only person with that name so kind of felt like I didn't belong.

No but matching names are not important to me.

Your name is your identity. Your child's name is their identity.

I am married but didn't change my name. My kids have their dad's name. They find it really cool that I have my own special name and it clearly intrigues them that I come from a big family of my own, with its own history and ways.

That said, change your name if you want to!

As Contessa above, no I didn’t and I wouldn’t. Had been married 7 years before DD came along. Neither of us changed our names. DD has my surname as a middle name and shares her surname with DH. She loves the very clear link to both sides of her family (and given how fucking useless her father’s family are, that can only be a good thing ).

A wedding at the moment is completely out of the question due to childcare so would really be another 3.5/4 years before we could do that.

This makes no sense.

We'd have totally given the kids my surname as a middle except that it's double barrelled - would have looked a bit odd!

Getting legally married costs about the same as deed poll and offers you much more protection in law. Personally I'd get legally married and have the party later.

I'd get legally married at a registry office before your child is born, and have the big party as and when you can afford it.

The lagal protection of marriage is more important than a party IMO.

I’m doing this! I don’t want to get married but I do want the same name as my kids for various reasons. One is that having worked in immigration I’ve seen first hand the trouble it can cause for a mother to have a different name on her passport.

Tittygolightly.
Sorry I should've said the cost of childcare eg the Nursery fees I pay every month. In 3.5/4 years DC will be at school so the Nursery fees will pay for the wedding.

Thanks everyone for all your input I've actually been looking at the local registry office and it's totally doable, I just need to persuade DF that a small wedding now and a big do later is the way to go.
If not though I know that changing my name is something that people happily do too.

Financial security is more important than names - and by that I mean, unless you are renting, is the house in your name??

You could change the child's name to hyphenate both your names....

A shared family name doesn't always have to be the man's.

Also, you can call yourself what you like. If you go about your daily and family business, call yourself by whatever surname you like. But bank accounts etc could be trickier.

One is that having worked in immigration I’ve seen first hand the trouble it can cause for a mother to have a different name on her passport.

I’ve flown all over the world with DD and never once had any issues.

That’s good. And much more likely to be fine if British and white. I’ve known some people to wait years and go on special watch lists just because of differing names.

Getting legally married costs about the same as deed poll and offers you much more protection in law.

Deed polls are free. You can pay for them but there is no need.

Each to their own. DH and I have different surnames and kids have a different one again (made up using letters from both our surnames) so no one but the kids ‘match’. Has never caused problems/confusion with any govnt related stuff, schooling, community stuff or travel. Kids don’t have a problem with it, love their name and say they much prefer it to mine and DH’s which are bog standard dull names.

Personally I think it would be quite weird to change your name to your partner's name when you weren't married. Much more sensible to double barrel your child's name. Your name is just as important as his you know...

I would suggest a small quick wedding now, then a huge party later. My cousin recently renewed her wedding vows, it was a fantastic, beautiful day. Another cousin had a quick registry office marriage in jeans then a Big Fat Greek wedding (in Greece) a year or so later. It didn't matter that they were already married.

I have a different surname to my children (divorced then re-married) it doesn't really bother me. As a previous poster said their name is their identity, mine is mine.