My mum is so overbearing and makes everything about her. Making life hard.

[loolabye]

My husband works full time and I work part time 2 full days and a half day.

My mum agreed to look after my daughter 1 full day a week but persistently moans about it. My husbands mum looks after the baby the other 2 days.

Recently I’ve been asking if she would rather just do the half day (to eventually phase her out of looking after my baby all together) and she kicks up a massive fuss saying my husbands family aren’t safe and ‘her baby’ needs her and prefers her. It’s like she can’t make up her mind if she wants to look after the baby or not.

(I am very grateful for the free child care by the way)

Last week she kept trying to make me cancel one of the days my MIL was having the baby in order for her to have her. Saying little things to make me feel guilty and when I eventually gave in and said my mum could have her the day she wanted she changed her mind and said ‘if I was so set on MIL having the baby she can’

My mum was always quite hard work growing up. She had a break down when I was 10 and was fairly abusive towards me and my little sister. She used to hit us and say some pretty harsh things. I am now 24 and my sister is now 17. We never really got on until I became pregnant (she was great when I was pregnant) and it’s only now I’m again feeling the strain with her.

My daughter bumped her head the other day and she instantly snatched her off me and made me look so incompetent and at fault. Every time something small happens she makes me out to be a bad mum and her to be the hero Nan. (She’s good with my daughter and my daughter loves her)

Some days I wake up and think life would be easier if she wasn’t in it. My little sister still lives with our mum and finds it very hard.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. I think I just needed to vent. is there any ways of cutting a parent out without fully cutting them out?
She making me feel like a nervous little girl like she used to.

I'm not really experienced in this, but it sounds as though she is reverting back to type by being manipulative and hurtful by using your daughter to upset you.

Your daughter may well be doted on until she too can answer back. Think seriously about how much you want your Mum to have an impact on you and your daughter's relationship. What do you think your mum's intentions are, when she swoops in to 'save' your daughter when she is hurt? Is she wanting to be the one your daughter automatically turns to?

I wish you the best of luck in your decisions.

Dont give your mum the extra day

I think you need to stay firm in what you want.

Er.......your mother used to hit you as a child and you are leaving your own child in her care.....have I got this right? Words fail me.

10 and was fairly abusive towards me and my little sister. She used to hit us and say some pretty harsh things.

So you let her look after your child ?

Are you mad ?

Please find an alternative it's not worth it she belittles your parentning and is clearly unwell.

Give the OP a break. When you grow up in that kind of environment it becomes normal behaviour, you don't know any different. It can take a while to really realise how toxic it is.