Have posted before but still feeling lost. This is quite a long post and probably makes 0 sense but would be grateful for any advice
Me and my ex had what I thought was a wonderful relationship. But of course we had our fatal flaw, which was me disapproving of his alcohol and drug use. I felt it had a severely adverse affect on his mental health and that he needed to change, we argued about it a lot and after one big argument one night he told me to fuck off out of his house. I started packing my stuff up and he pulled a knife out on himself and tried to slit his wrist. Ended up with a massive wound and we were in a+e for 8 hours.
I said after that I needed a break, that it was too much and he really needed to get some help and to stop the drinking. It was after that he basically just became the worst person ever.
I found out I was pregnant after the split and he told me if I didn't have an abortion he'd kill himself. I decided I wanted to keep the baby and we went NC.
He then came back, told me he'd changed, wanted to give things another go and try and be a family. I foolishly believed him.
It then emerged that he had been sleeping with many many people after we split, hadn't been tested and gave me an STD. I was absolutely devastated, mortified, embarrassed beyond belief. It was after this he told me he was happy being single but still wanted to be a part of the babies life. I was upset I'd forgiven him for what he'd done and yet it was him who didn't want to be with me but I sucked it up and let it all go and am now focusing on my pregnancy though I'm heartbroken he's put me through so much.
But to top everything off, I've found out he slags me off to literally everyone (a lot of my friends have fallen out of touch recently, I've had messages off his friends saying horrible things, I also had a message off a girl he'd been talking to on tinder telling me what an awful person I was for x,y,z) he tells everyone I emotionally abused him, that I'm the reason he has alcohol and drug problems. He's told people he's going to try and get full custody of the baby. I know he wouldn't get full custody and to my face he tells me he's over his addictions/ or that they were never a problem in the first place.
I'm just totally devastated. I have no friends anymore, all of our mutual friends have sided with him. Feel like I haven't got anyone in the world and I put so much into helping him and so much into trying to be a good person and always do the right thing and I've ended up looking like the worst person to everyone.
I know it shouldn't matter what other people think but it hurts so much. Struggling to think about life in the future when baby is born and the fact I'm going to have to let this lying sociopath be involved and there's not really anything I can do about it
Sorry about the long post just don't know what to do