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Paradise vs Perfection

1 reply

mangomoments · 31/12/2017 06:33

We moved to Australia from happy English life in 2003, married and with my 14m old son. Our first two years were fraught with poor finances, difficulties in getting jobs and fitting in, and trying to get pregnant again.

I moved here because we were granted permanent residency but mostly, because my husband wanted to move. I was very happy in the UK but thought we could give it a go (rather than regret not trying).

In 2005 my daughter was finally born. In 2007 I discovered my husband had been having an affair for two years and had no intention of returning to the UK, regardless of how I felt. He put legal action in place so I wasn't able to leave the country with the children. That was 10 years ago.

A single parent for 10 years living hand to mouth and not able to afford to fly 'home' - I've been back once. I still haven't settled in Australia. I find it hard to keep friends. I've become alcohol dependent and very lonely - also have put on a lot of weight. I'm a completely different person and I don't have the strength left. Old friends in the UK, family scattered across the world and not very close. I am literally on my own.

I have tried lots of counselling, anti-depressants, not drinking, many things - but in my heart, I'm just not happy and really miss the life I had and the person I was.

The problem is that Australia is such a beautiful place and my children have had a wonderful childhood. I feel I'm waiting out the years until the time comes when they leave home - if they leave Australia, I would too. But what a waste of nearly 20 years.

What are your thoughts? Has anyone found themselves in a place like this? Anyone been through it and come out the other side?

OP posts:
Poshindevon · 31/12/2017 13:42

Unfortunately a court order prevented you from removing your children from the UK. Over that you had no control.
Instead of yearning for the UK and what might have been , it was up to you to make a life for yourself and your children. When given lemons make lemonade comes to mind.
You say your children have had a wonderful childhood , yet their mother was alcohol dependent and depressed.
I think your situation would be the same if you were a single parent living in the UK.
The life you had in the UK can never be the same its over, we all move on thats part of life
You have no one in the UK so where would you live this lovely life you long for?
Why would your children want to go and live in the UK when to all intents and purposes they are Australians?
Its hard for me to feel sympathy when you have thrown away your life on nothing more than dreams of what might have been.
You need a reality check and to take stock of your life.

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