Christmas gift from DH...

[rara67]

....is a piece of jewellery, albeit slightly smaller than the one I dropped and broke on holiday nearly 7 years ago (we never claimed on our insurance). I think the smaller “replacement” cost in excess of £200.

The problem is that there was an awful incident on this holiday which DS1 and I were involved in. We had to leave the hotel early and it’s never been mentioned to this day. I really don’t even want to bring it up again but DH has mentioned that the box is still sitting on the side and has said that I can exchange it if I don’t like it.

I don’t know whether just to say that I would prefer something else; or explain why I don’t want it or just do nothing and wear it now and then. I don’t want to upset DH but neither do I want a constant reminder of this incident. The shop it came from is in another town which means using a day off to exchange it but it’s a really nice independent modern jewellers.

Poor DH thought that it was a great idea and made a special trip to get it. However he obviously doesn’t have the same association with the jewellery and the holiday. I really don’t know what to do.

Just tell him kindly that you really do appreciate the thought and acknowledge that he did a lovely thing, but explain in whatever terms you can what you have said here. I’m sure he’ll understand. And you can make a lovely day out of going together to exchange it and find something you love that makes you feel happy. The things we allow into our lives should either be functional and needed, or be beautiful and spark joyfulness in us.

Was the awful incident how the jewellery got broken? Because then I probably wouldn't want the reminder either. However if it just happened to have occurred on the same holiday, it wouldn't even cross my mind and I think there is a danger you could be building it up to be something more sinister.

I agree very much with Holger. Jewellery does hold associations and if every time you wear this piece, you are reminded if this awful incident, there’s no way I’d want to ever wear it.

I’m sure your dh will understand. Go together and exchange it.

It does sound quite traumatic and like you won’t get the joy from this piece that DH has hoped for you.
Just tell him, gently. I’m sure he wants you to enjoy your gift and not be troubled by bad memories.

Thanks for your prompt replies. Totally agree with the functional/ needed or beautiful, that’s why I struggle with all the stuff we are still hoarding from my late DMIL and DFIL. The incident was not related to the jewellery so I should try and separate the two incidents. Plenty of food for thought, feel more positive already.

Talk to him- I agree about making a day of it and going for a nice lunch and making a new memory

If it brings up memories, no matter how much you try to separate the issues, it just won't work.

You will never be able to wear the piece without a sad feeling, guilt, whatever.

I'd explain gently and perhaps suggest you make a day of it and chose something else together. However, are you sure the new piece won't then be associated with having to have it because the old piece brought up bad feelings? I'd be aware of that possible issue too

We do have the opportunity to go next weekend as we will only have DS2 and he will be able to keep himself amused while I look, as I don’t want to make a hasty decision. I’ll sleep on it as I’m perhaps making a mountain out if a molehill. Also while it’s a statement piece, it comes on a black cord and unfortunately looks like something that you would find at a craft fair, I need to cut the cord to put it on the original chain but only if I’m keeping it!