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Original poster

death and families

7 replies

thisismyusernameagain · 30/12/2017 00:06

Father in Law passed away and although husband was still having a good relationship with him we weren't. However ALL caused by sister in law telling me to look for money in his house etc and other take his money related issues and I honestly didn't like it! They tried to spilt my marriage up but we were strong and just cut contact. OH is so lovely, not like them!

A few days before we got our annual Christmas card I said to my husband if you invite the father for dinner would he come? Hubby said yes of course I Will ask him and hey ho he died the next day ;-( Seriously.

However my husband was not informed of his death until 22 hours later. His sister was in the house taking money, share certificates, bank books etc. Just what they said they would do!

Now I am the one who just dry-cleaned his suit and bought new underwear for the directors to dress him in. I am the person who did all the notification. I am the person who organised and paid for the wake. However the SIL now tells my husband how much I was hated and I am trying not to take it to heart. They don't want my husband to be administrator and I think that they destroyed the 'official will.'

The sister as expected is only concerned about inheriting but I am concerned for my husband and said he should not see her again (only in passing at the funeral.) Money is the last thing on our minds, should we let her take the lot? Maybe around 450000? I would rather have my family than the cash (not that we are loaded but it is more important.)

I just want to know am I fair in doing so? I don't want it to drive a wedge in our relationship thats all. One hubby, one child, life is pretty nice how it is....

OP posts:
ButteredScone · 30/12/2017 00:09

Whenever people say that money is not the point, money is the point.

It was your FIL's to do with as he liked. Has he left a will?

Original poster
thisismyusernameagain · 30/12/2017 00:20

No your wrong. Money would be lovely BUT not like this.
It certainly does not come in front of my strong marriage. We own our own home outright, my husband works 35 hours a week, I am house wife. We are not rich but we manage a car and a holiday every year. We have good life. I lost my best friend aged 40, 5 weeks ago so I now truly understand that money is nothing.

There was a will but we can't find it. The sister must have it and obviously won't show it if it is not in her favour. He was divorced and had only 2 children.

In the eyes of the law it is a 50/50 spilt but I have said to my husband just let them have the lot he is crying so much when he sees the rest of his family. I just wanted to know if I was right to say that they cause so much upset I don't want him to go and see them? Is that a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:
ButteredScone · 30/12/2017 00:36

Don’t tell the sister to have it all if that isn’t the father’s wishes. Try to do what the deceased would have wanted.

Do you know the solicitors that your FIL used? They are likely to keep a copy.

Caprinihahahaha · 30/12/2017 00:40

It would be odd for your Gil not to have s copy of his will with his solicitors - if he had s current one and s decent estate
Do you know who his solicitors are
The idea of relatives destroying the only copy of a will does sound a little Victorian melodrama

Original poster
thisismyusernameagain · 30/12/2017 00:49

Well the solicitors said that they don't have a copy and the accountant said it was in their possession.

I have done a will search and been to the bank to see if it was held there as I wanted to see if he wrote any requests for his funeral which in 10 days.

Yes it does sound like a victorian melodrama but sadly this is what is happening. We can't't do anything as we were not there until possessions had been searched. My father in law was left with about 4p on the side. No cash in the house for milk or bread. He was a cash man, whatever people think it makes ME feel sick. To think that someone went through his stuff as soon as he died. I truly hope that when I die this never happens to me.

My husband worked with his father daily from 14 to 35 until the market closed down and then my husband got a regular job. My husband is only 40 so this is a massive loss.....

OP posts:
ChinkChink · 30/12/2017 00:54

An estate of this size will have to go to probate by law, which means everything will be scrutinised and whoever is appointed as executor will need to swear an oath.

An estate of this size would probably be better administrated by a solicitor especially given the circumstances.

Caprinihahahaha · 30/12/2017 00:56

If he died without a will then his estate is split evenly between his children so your DH is only left with nothing if the other children are - surely? Bank books are no good unless the trustee allocated rights to those accounts to someone,

You were not in good terms you said and you FIL didn’t bother to fix his affairs to give his estate out evenly. He didn’t care. so, sadly, you need to let it go or risk being another grasping relative

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