Baby or Career

[snowymcsnowson]

I've been going around and around in circles about this and would appreciate some advice.

I'm 30. Been with DP 3.5 years. I have a 10 year old son (year 6).

I didn't go to uni due to having my son age 19, but have been studying part time and now nearly finished my degree. I don't know 100% what I want to do for a career, but if I want to use my degree it will mean another 4 years of training, including extremely long hours for the third and fourth year (which would continue through the career).

In an ideal world, I'd complete my training, get qualified, then have a baby at around 36-37 years old and try to go part time. HOWEVER, I have severe endometriosis, adenomyosis, and low AMH. So by delaying, it could mean it never happens. But if I have a baby soon, I won't physically be able to do my training at all.

As above, I'm going round in circles here and don't know what to do. By my inaction, it means I haven't applied for the next stage of my training, nor are we TTC, so if I leave it much longer I'll have NEITHER career nor baby.

WWYD in my shoes?

I personally would choose career. I would see if that I’ve had a child already, I’ve worked hard at my degree and would want to focus on that. But then I am a SAHM who is desperate to go back to work so maybe i’m Biased.

At 30 I would do baby first tbh.

Thing is if you take your chance on a career that may not even work out, but your always be a mother and that will bring you joy no matter what. You say yourself with the problems you have if you wait to ttc it may never happen and your just end up looking back kicking yourself thinking what if, if you don’t do it now

I would probably do baby first. You’re 30, which means you likely have another 40 years of working life ahead of you. If you want a baby go for it, then start up the next stage of your career when baby is in nursery or school. Career will wait, fertility won’t.

That's true (and a bit scary) about 40 more years of working. It's whether I'd successfully get a traineeship in 10 years time or so - I am very aware that ageism still exists. Gah, this is really tough.

Why can’t you do both?

What would YOU honestly regret not having done more?

For me, it would be not having a baby. But that might not be your choice.

I honestly don't know. In a way, I have been looking forward to the freedom of having an older child - being able to get out of the childcare drop offs and pick ups routine, joining a gym, the freedom to work late, to work in a city and not be restricted to local jobs.

But then I see a baby, or find out a friend is pregnant and I'm (inwardly!!) jealous and get such a pang. I've been browsing Mothercare etc with quite a longing just to have my own little baby again

I would do both then put career on hold when you need to for the baby. Career will always be something you can pick up later but baby isn't!

Ps working late and in the city etc might seem glamorous but it really isn't!