Finding it hard to adapt to his family...

[MaisieAva]

So I have a slight problem... I think it may be partly due to how I was brought up and my mindset however I’m finding this very difficult to deal with/ turn into a positive...

I come from a small family who aren’t extremely close but we do get along well and see each other quite often

My partner is part of a large family and he would happily spend all of his time with his family, which Is a problem to me as I feel it is suffocating

Now I have been bought two lots of flights next year booked by his parents and paid for by him without actually being genuinely asked if I want to go before hand which I find strange, one was a ‘surprise’ and one was a Christmas present

I know they are trying to do a nice thing and it’s a lot of peoples idea of the perfect gift but it really isn’t mine.

I feel terrible and guilty because I feel like I’m being really ungrateful. But I would ask somebody if they wanted to go before I booked them a flight!

I found out I have a muscle wasting condition last year and it makes me extremely tired. I can see it now that I’m not going to enjoy the holidays as I won’t get the quiet me time I need and enjoy. I know that’s negative, but I Know my body and I know what it’s like. It will be too much for me. I’m not sure what to do, more than two days in a row of his families company is too much for me! The holidays are both abroad - shortish flights. One is a long weekend which I will just about manage I think. The other one is for 10 days with 13 people in total. It’s my idea of chaos! I’m not sure how to deal with this?! Any advice would be appreciated greatly!

I really don’t want to be confrontational or upset anyone...

Feeling lost and confused?

Thanks

The one that is for ten days make it clear to your hubby that you need time alone and don’t want to be tied to the family. We recently had this with a family wedding abroad, I worried needlessly-everyone wanted their own holiday. We spent most of the time doing our own thing.

Thank you, I will do :) Hopefully I am just needlessly worrying too..

I agree, you need to have a chat with your DP and explain this to him. Tell him you are worried about the 10 day holiday for all the reasons given in your OP. Ask him to help you to ensure you will have enough time away from the rest of the party. Having a medical reason should actually make it easier for everyone to understand this.

In the longer term, it sounds as if spending time with his family is very important to him (it’s v rare IMO for an adult to go on holiday with his family as much as this), so you need to think long and hard about whether this is something you want as part of your relationship.

Thanks. Yes I suppose you are right that it could make it easier due to my health reason.. I didn’t want to draw attention to it as it’s difficult to explain and nobody understands when I explain it. But at least then people wouldn’t take it personally for me having time out etc... Yes I do need to have a long hard think...