Regret meeting my dad

[Catloverforever1]

Hi.. newbie here so pls bare with me

I am in my 30s with 2 kids. I have never had a relationship with my dad... my parents divorced when i was very young and i was dragged through many contact visits as a kid and it was all really messy. Eventually courts said no more visits when i was about 9 or 10. He was violent to my mum from what i understand.

I made contact earlier this year and have met him 4 or 5 times and he also met my kids 3 times.

Anyway i am having regrets about meeting him dispite the meetings going ok. I just feel quite overwhelmed and am worried about him getting close to my kids. I cant stop thinking about all the stuff from when i was young.
It seemed like a good thing when i first contacted him but now i wish i didnt and thibgs were back to how they were before.

What would you do... would you continue seeing him or say it doesnt feel right and that i dont want him in my life

Could you have a half-way measure of reducing contact while you think this through, maybe discuss it with a trusted friend?

Maybe keep the kids out of it for now until you get to know him a bit better?

Otherwise if you do decide to go NC in the future, they may have bonded with their GD and get upset.

Agree with Spongebob about talking it through with someone in real life. But at the end of the day it is totally up to you.

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If you feel he’s having more of a negative effect than positive them tell him. You shouldn’t feel obliged to see him. Time to think of yourself.

It seems more like the meetings have brought up bad memories than anything he's doing now, am I understanding that correctly?

You should do what you yourself are comfortable with.

I don't even know if this is possible but can you apply to have your file or whatever to find out more about the violence etc