Violent ex

[Linzilou1985]

I split with my violent ex 6 years ago, we have two 6 year olds together. He sees our dc every week and is a good father to them.

He split up with his girlfriend back in February, he was violent towards her. She told me. Then he said she was violent towards him etc. Thankfully dc were not there and I did change contact to supervised only for a while.

I have just found out that he is back with his ex and they have been for two months. She has had contact with my dc which I didn’t know about.

I’m extremely concerned now about letting my dc go to his and potentially witnessing something. I’m just not sure what to do, or what my rights are? I’m considering legal advice, however, I don’t have any proof that he was violent to her and the fact that he was violent to me is irrelevant in the eyes of the law as it was 6 years ago.

Anyone?

I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run, but you should probable ask for this to be moved to legal matters as you may have a better response there.

Thanks for your reply, I will do

Definitely this needs a solicitor involvement, you don't want your children exposed to any hint of domestic abuse so you have do everything you can to protect them from this including re instating supervised access in the interim.

Thanks for your reply, I have a meeting with my solicitor tomorrow afternoon. No idea what he will say, which is making me anxious

Hope solicitor was helpful..I would not be happy either..Considering his history I would be dubious of his version of events.

Oh I am very dubious! He lies constantly, which is why he will deny this. I just can't believe she would go back to him after all this time!

You have every right to be concerned.they will be emotionally harmed by witnessing this domestic abuse and could get caught up in it and accidentally injured.
I would revert to supervised visits at a contact centre until your solicitor has been able to give you advise.
The children are at risk in this situation and need your guidance and protection.
Good luck💜

Thank you so much for confirming that I'm not being unreasonable. My worry is that my solicitor will say that there's nothing I can do until something happens. It's just a huge risk that I'm not willing to take for my dc.

Difficult one as your ex will no doubt argue that he's been seeing them regularly with his gf over the last 2 months. Have your dc's said anything about them arguing when they've visited? You have said you think he's a good dad to them so its a shame he's not trustworthy. Would he be happy with seeing them in a contact centre?
I suspect that your instinct could be right that you may need a bit more in the way of evidence. Complicated though. See what your solicitor says.

No they haven't Emsmum. However, they hadn't even mentioned that they had seen her, which I do this is unusual for them.

There is absolutely no way that he would be happy seeing them in a contact centre. Last time I did supervised contact, he came to my house and I was there - not ideal.

Can you discuss your concerns with his gf? Sounds like you had some sort of communication with her before, or do you think she'll clam up now she's back with him?
I would think about writing down your concerns for your solicitor, it may be that your own experience with his violence shows that there is a pattern with him when he gets into relationships where he gets abusive & controlling or whatever. It might be important to highlight this.
You are right to be concerned, why would she say he was violent if he wasn't? It doesn't make sense except that it happened. And him counter accusing his gf of violence just proves that violence was part of their relationship, to me anyway.
The solicitormay suggest mediation or getting a court order saying his gf can't be there during contact, it seems that the risk is when they're together.
Good luck though when you see the solicitor.