Like many others, I could write a very long list of things my mother-in-law has done to upset and undermine me.
Our relationship has gone from bad to worse and, we only speak when she visits (about 3 times this year).
My issue at the moment is that we live in London and both our families live in Yorkshire (about an hour apart from each other). My husband's family consists of his Mum (who he has never been very close to) and mine a family of 8 (including brother and sister in law's) and, we're all very close. We come up to see my family perhaps 5 times a year - all the family are invited by my Mum to celebrate a birthday or go to a particular event. My MIL has started to expect an invite to our family gatherings. This expectation usually manifests itself as a "let me know when's a good time to come over". I think this is really rude but, my husband thinks "why not? why can't we just invite her along".
The history here (and this is just the things concerning my family) is that:
-when my husband and I first met my family invited her over for dinner - she brought her alsation puppy along without asking/ telling us she would be. she spent the whole of dinner sat on the floor. She has shown herself on other occasions to be a inverted snob and, made numerous comments about how disgusting it was that all the cars in the car park were so expensive (I guess she has a point, but, rude nevertheless). She then literally turned her nose up at us when we offered her a glass of champagne - and laughed at her son for drinking it. then we went for a walk and she fully ignored my Dad asking her to put the dog on the lead for the sheep - her dog then ran off, killed a lamb, noone could catch the dog, and when my husband finally did she literally said nothing of the entire incident. She did not once thank anyone for having her over and didn't return the invitation.
-for the first 3yrs or so my mum would send over a cake and a card at christmas. Again, never reciprocated.
-then, at our wedding she sobbed that she felt she was loosing him to my family and, a few hours later accused my mum of fat shaming her because she said "wow, isn't there a lot of food".
This, coupled with all the horrible things she has said and done to me - and she expects it to be totally cool that she just poos round to interrupt our family gatherings. I don't know, am I being unreasonable here? I think it's up to her to make an effort if she wants to be included and, I think this expectation that we'll include her in everything is rude. I think she could invite my parents over - or arrange to meet at an in-between bar even - perhaps say that she wants a relationship with them, wants to be invited to our family gatherings. I think with all that's been said and done - it's up to her to rekindle a relationship - if she wants to start afresh and move on from all the horrible stuff (sorry I haven't detailed the things between the two of us so this maybe seems harsh) that's happened between us all. Am I being oversensitive and unfair here?