My Husband is constantly saying he is so glad the baby looks like him not me

[kfindl90]

I apologise in advance if this post is rambling, it is a little hard to explain.

My babygirl is 5 weeks old, and from the moment she was born, my husband has declared that she is his spitting image and that she looks nothing like me. To be fair, she does look a lot like him, and my husband is a very good looking man, so this is not a bad thing, but what I am finding difficult is the fact that my husband is so ^happy she looks nothing like me. He is nothing short of relieved. Now, I am not am unattractive person, I am just not perfect model material. My husband tells me that I am beautiful, so I am hurt that he seems to be so thrilled that our daughter doesn't look like me. For example, the other day I said 'oh, maybe she'll have my smile.' His response was 'No, hopefully she will have mine. I've got a beautiful smile. You have nice hands though, she has your hands.' I felt really hurt by this because I felt like he was saying I don't have a nice smile and he wouldn't want his daughter to have it.

To make it worse, when his family come to visit, they all comment on the fact that she looks nothing like me and then say that I am really lucky she looks like my husband. When a friend commented on what a beautiful child we have, my husband's response was 'Of course! She's my child!'

I don't know if I am just paranoid, or if I am justifiably feeling hurt. Can someone please give me there perspective?

TIA

Are you married to gilderoy Lockhart ? ??

Thank you for all your prompt responses! I'm glad that it's not just me who finds those sort of comments hurtful, I thought I was just being oversensitive! You actually really made me laugh! I love the 'let's hope she has my brains and personality' comments and the 'never mind, like a fine wine she'll get better with age!' - I intend to use these. It may be a bonding/pride thing, but at the same time many men bond with and are proud of their children without needing to demonstrate it with nasty comments, so I don't want to give him that excuse. He is being conceited, and twatty. I didn't realise how vain he actually was until this started happening. It's been a bit of an eye opener, and I'm not really liking the view!

Thank you all so much for your responses. I feel so much better having shared and I am going to use those putdowns. If he doesn't get it, I may actually show him this thread and see if that has an impact!

I imagine if you show him this thread he will simply say we must be jealous of his great beauty

I wouldn't bother

Vain and thick skinned people like him don't get subtlety. I would ask him outright if all these comments are because he doubts paternity.

Also, forgot to add, he never previously made derogatory comments to me about my looks or anything, which is why this has really shocked me. It has felt like I am suddenly getting a glimpse of his real feelings. Unfortunately, i have to concur with you all- he is being a total fuckwit!

And LOL @ the Gilderoy Lockhart comment- it feels like I am, only it's not as magical!

My dd was the image of my x to begin with and now she is much more like me.

He is being a bit weird to keep saying this! whenever either of my kids achieves anything, my xmil always says ''she gets that from me''. Ha ha! Like literally, everything. Dancing, maths, music.........''she gets that from me''. I'm useless at everything!

Yes I would tend to have Carly Simon’s “you’re so vain” playing on repeat when he’s around.

He does sound like a prize git.

Show him the thread, he might need outside opinion, yours probably doesn’t matter to him.

However you’d probably have to drag him away from gazing in the mirror and thinking what a beautiful smile he has.

Maybe he doesn't realise how horrible he's being though and is only saying it jokingly? My husband often jokes like that, but I know he's only joking.

Our daughter literally looked like a clone of my husband when she was first born (still looks a lot like him) even midwives joked about it. It didn't really bother me until his family and particularly his grandma kept going on about it and how she was one of them, his grandma went as far as to say an old saying meaning there was no doubt who the dad was. It got on my nerves after a while. Our daughter now looks more like me (she's nearly 2) at the same age. Our second child looks a lot more like me so no obsessive comments, well bar my own mum saying he looks like one of our side of the family!

They change all the time as they grow up, generally people are kind but when you have a baby you are especially sensitive. I was and it takes a while to get over it. I always used to say they look like themselves which normally changes the tone.

Tell him he is not the father then laugh in his face.

@ QueenLetizia - how odd! Do you get angry at him or have you learnt to ignore it?
Bluntness100 - that's exactly why I am tempted to show him this thread. I've tried to speak with him about this a couple times but he shuts down the conversation and gets really angry when I suggest he is vain. Hopefully he'll be able to see it isn't just me that thinks this behaviour is vain and unkind.

I cannot picture a single man I know saying ‘I have a beautiful smile’. Not a single one.

Given how, erm, unpredictable my hormones were at 5 weeks after my daughter was born. If my husband had said anything like that, I’d have thrown something heavy at his head. And burst into hysterical tears. You are doing well to keep your wits together! Oh and like the others said about responding that she’ll hopefully have your personality 👍🏻

*Yeah it’s a biological thing so the dad doesn’t reject them in their first year.

Babies features change, all mine look like me now more than my ex but exactly like them when babies. It’s a fascinating thing the way biology works sometimes.

Have a couple of comebacks and rotate them to get on his nerves a bit.

He is pretty far up himself isn't he? I'd find a man saying about himself "I have a beautiful smile" pretty much a turn-off.

Next time he says something say "Do you realise what a pompous conceited fucker you sound like when you say that?"

I would reply "I'm glad she hasn't got your *#insertword here personality

He’s sounding worse and worse - he shuts you down when you try and talk to him about your feelings and gets angry when you criticise him but he’s allowed to be as nasty as he likes to you?
It’s not sounding good.

sorry bluntness I just saw you replied to part of my post, I did think he was thick when I replied the first time but after the update I think he’s being quite calculated and the OP needs to keep her eyes wide open.

That sound unbearable. He is being a thoughtless idiot. My MiL does this sort of thing and it drives me crazy. Straight hair (absolutely the only similarity between me and pfb) was declared totally from her family when baby was a few hours old - silly but still hurts years later. Various skills my children have she marvels at and cannot think where they get it from. I gently remind her of things I or my parents are good at. At five weeks though, all babies look like their dad.

I really feel for you op. 5 weeks post birth and he’s putting you down. He is being a grade a fuckwit and I do hope you show him this thread.

Just in case ..... “vain bugger - your beautiful wife has just birthed a new human, stop being such an arsehole and treat her like the awesome woman she is! Get your head out your arse whilst you’re at it”

Babies start to look like themselves around 3 months. Bet she starts to look like you then.

Op it was my xmil not my x who used to say "she gets that from me". My dc were both clones of their dad to begin with but now they are both more like me i think. My xmil probably disgusted. I used to feebly say "em i was good at x, y, z". Shouldnt have bothered!

Dont show him this thread.

He won't attribute your boundary to you if you do.

He'll think you allowed yourself to be roused up in indignation by a bunch of strangers. He wont understand that you have the right not to hear his relief that your child doesnt look like you! He'll see you as a too sensitive vessel, steered not by him, for now, but by feminists on the internet. It's not a court case and we're not the jury. So don't undervalue your own instinct and reaction by dragging this thread in.

My daughter looked like her dad up until 1 year old and now she is 5 and is my double.

What @QueenLetizia said. That is just incredible insight, and I'd put money on her being dead on.

Ignore your DH, he's being an idiot. He'll get over it once he realises his daughter is a real person in her own right. My ILs did the same thing, they can't deny how much my DC look like me now though.