I'll try to keep the backstory brief but I don't want to drip feed.
I'm 35, a SAHM, and have a 18 month old DS with my long term partner. Generally nice steady and secure life and nice home, which is what I've always wanted, no real problems. I'm fortunate.
Backstory is my mother is a drinker and has been since I was a child. Divorced from DF, and hads drunk 2-3 nights a week since I can remember. I spent a lot of time when I was small making sure my DB was sheltered from the excesses. When she's sober, she fantastic and she is a wonderful Grandma. DS adores her. When she's drunk, she's a nightmare. After many years of rows, drunken incidences (she'd start a fight in an empty room when drinking) which have been so bad police have been called both me and DB set out very clearly after the last time (when I was heavily pregnant, not there luckily but it involved DB) that if she's had a drink she was not to contact us. She used to call and send nonsense texts constantly, being quite abusive. We've both tried lots of times to get her help and support her, but such efforts are always met with 'I won't be told what to do'. She never drinks in our presence, and is not permitted to drink in our homes.
She comes to see DS every weekday after work, which is fine and she's great with him. She also babysits (very) occasionally of an evening, and would never ever drink around him.
My problem is, she's started to contact both me and DB when she drinking again. It's crept in slowly, and wasn't particularly abusive until last night. When she calls and I can hear she's drunk (to be honest I can tell when she's had just one drink after all these years) I get off the phone quickly telling her I've told her not to ring me when drunk and I ignore texts. She is going through a stressful time because my DGM is ill in hospital so she has daily visiting there and DGM is highly infectious so she's not visiting me at the moment in case DS was to catch anything.
Last night she sent me and DB (on a joint group message we have) messages accusing us of not caring about DGM because neither of us had called her that day to see how she is. Now, we've both been calling every day for long chats but we hadn't yesterday because I had my hands full with DS being a pest for bed and DB was working late. She was clearly drunk and was just horrible. I did actually reply, politely telling her she was out of line and that I was very annoyed and left it at that. DB has seen her today, and said she acted like nothing had happened.
It's starting to get to be point where I want to go LC or NC, but I feel bad because of DS. They have a great relationship and as I said, when she's sober she's generally great. The only other thing - another boundaries issue - is that aside from the weekday visits she turns up at my house unannounced at weekends when she knows I've asked everyone not to do that. I hate it. Everyone else respects this and calls or texts first, but not her. She is the exception apparently, and gets really huffy when I say 'it's not a good time, we're just off out' or the like.
I've recently recovered from post-natal anxiety which was bloody horrible but counselling was great and I'm feeling very much myself again . She doesn't know, I never told her because it'd only be one more thing for her to throw in my face as an insult when she's drunk. Through the counselling I've learned that a lot of my problems (which were triggered by a very traumatic birth and DS having health and feeding issues - he's fine now) have roots in me being very much a 'protector' as a result of past experiences which went into overdrive when DS arrived. I've been told firm boundaries are a must for me and I agree - but my mother just has no respect for them. Whenever one of these drunken rants occurs and I see her the next day, she acts as if nothing's happened. When I mention it (and I always do) it's brushed off.
Sorry that was longer than I intended! Thanks if you made it to the end. WWYD?