Leave London or stay.

[SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs]

Hope you can help, can't decide what to do for the best...

I am a teacher, so work very long hours (leave house at 6.30am, home by 6.15pm), don't earn a huge amount though. DH works for a charity where he can wfh one day a week, but his work is very pressured. DD is 10. At the moment DH does all school drop offs, and I pick her up from ASC once a week. My parents pick her up and drop her off two evenings and one morning a week.
DH is finding doing drop offs 4 mornings a week pretty disruptive to his working day (flexible working is by formal arrangement only0.
So the choices are these:

1. We have enough equity in our flat to afford to buy a house outright near the coast, so I could get a part-time job and do all the drop-offs and pick ups myself. DH would then have to commute, but his time would be his own.
2. We stay where we are and DH gets more and more stressed, until DD is old enough to take herself to and from school on her own. We don't have space for an au pair. Benefits of 1) I'd love to move out of London and have more space and fresher air. Schools are OK too, but not as 'good' as London ones. Benefits of 2) We have some lovely friends here and I would be very happy for DD to go to our local school. I really can't work out which would be best! Help me mumsnet oracles.

Sorry Lilly

Do you have to move so far? We are Essex borders so London on our doorstep but still benefit from cheaper bigger housing, shortish commute (we both work in London) and living in Epping forest - secondaries aren't great though unless you are religious.

3 hrs a day on a train

How long door to door though? DH's nightmare commute was 1.5 hours by train - but it totalled 4.5 hours a day door-to-door and it was just too much, day in day out.

You could apply for a P/T position in a school closer to you, perhaps making up the money with tutoring/supply work (though supply will still mean dd at home a lot). You can apply for jobs next year from May, I think.

Ds used to go to a friend's house after school for a few hours once a week.

Unless your dh changes his job, I don't think there's any coastal area that's not a horrible commute back to London.

Any chance of sharing someone's au pair and sharing the house the children are minded in?

I don't want to piss on your chips OP but TA jobs are incredibly thin on the ground because of the sheer AMOUNT of parents who think like you do - "ooo that'll fit in right nice with work/ holidays/ commuting etc"

I live in London ( zone 3 south) and Work in zone 1. If Southern goes tits up I have three or four different ways of getting into work. My friends who have settled further out are utterly screwed if ( for example) the Brighton line goes down or Fenchurch street lines are beset by signal failures.

I also wouldn't leave my support network. I'm older than you ( in late 40s) but the thought of setting up again and making friends/ a community/ leaving my parents further away should something happen makes me exhausted thinking about it.

Depending on where you move to your existing friends probably won't visit much if you go outside the M25. Harsh, but that's the sum of it for a lot of people. You'd be starting again from absolute scratch.

I'd look at North kent ( it's not great but relatively cheap), Bromley, Enfield, round the Heathrow area and places on the Overground like Forest Hill, Anerley, Etc. Norbury, Mitcham all have decent links into London and aren't yet at full on "London" prices.

Sandy is currently a teacher. I'm sure she's quite aware of the realities of a TA's role. I also suspect that, as a qualified teacher willing to work for TA pay, she'd be front of the queue for many TA jobs.

Fair dos. I'm going on my experience of friends who have been chasing jobs like this for ages ( but aren't teachers.)

How far is it to school? Our Y6s are encouraged to walk by themselves and surely she’ll be going under her own steam to secondary?

Will DH’s three-hours-a-day commute involve Southern Rail at all? If so, don’t do it. I have seen colleagues broken by that journey.

I'm puzzled as to why you leave the house at 6:30am? Many of my friends are teachers (at all levels) and they never have to be in before 8, and usually don't need to travel far. Also I used to share a childminder with two teachers and their children were long gone before I picked up DS about 6pm.

None of them work a 12 hour day, and I'm sure your colleagues don't either?

If the logistics are so difficult could you employ a student/another parent to do a couple of drop offs and pick ups. It will only be for a year as once in Y7she will be travelling on her own.

Look at Folkestone. Good girls’ grammar, 55 minute train to London.

Moved out 15 yrs ago. Kids were ‘distraught ‘ at leaving friends. 10 yrs 9yrs (and 3.). This upset lasted just under 48hrs until they met our neighbours dcs. ...
Also ‘not such good schools’ as London. DD still got into top RG Uni.
Biggest difference is the quality of LIFE. Compared to the quality of existence in London. Cant believe I spent ten years of my life there.
I would never never go back to live. Can just about bear to visit.