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Original poster

Going out with work friends

27 replies

upsydaisies · 22/10/2017 16:28

Here’s my situation-

-I started a new job in July/September.
-This week coming I have been invited for a day out on Tuesday with everyone to have a few drinks and be social all day.
-my OH has said he will babysit for me (used those exact words) as we have a 3yo at home

However I’m torn. I want to be social and get to know the girls in my dept because we only ever see each other at work and we all work super hard so it’s not really a chance for socialising. However I feel guilty leaving the baby at home because he is always getting upset whenever I leave the house without him. So do I...

A) blow them off and spend the day with my munchkin doing something nice.
B) go but fee super guilty

I haven’t had a day/night out in nearly two years and it would be fun. Plus we will all be home by 7.30 as that’s the last train into our station. Our son doesn’t go to bed till 9/10ish anyway so I’d still see him for a couple of hours.

What would other people do?

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 22/10/2017 16:35

Go!

iamdazedandconfused · 22/10/2017 16:35

I would go. It's only one day, you'll still see your son when you get home and it will be a nice opportunity for you to bond with your work friends.

I would also inform your OH that what he is doing is not babysitting to help you out, it's parenting Hmm

MerlinsLeftButtock · 22/10/2017 16:37

Go! Also, no need to feel guilty either.

SundayNC · 22/10/2017 17:01

Bloody go!!!
I’d also be not so politely telling your OH that he is not ‘babysitting’ his own child!!! That’s just called ‘being a parent’Hmm
Go out and have some fun!

flingingmelon · 22/10/2017 18:24

Go!!!!!

Very similar situation to you, DH was chill when I was out three times in the same week with my new colleagues. He wouldn’t normally but he gets how important this stuff is.

These relationships are crucial, get the foundations right now. You don’t have to be the last woman standing, but show your face at least.

flingingmelon · 22/10/2017 18:25

And before anyone says anything, he gets upset if I go out three times in one week because he misses me. I’d be exactly the same.

khajiit13 · 22/10/2017 18:31

Work relationships are important. You have to go. Don't feel guilty. It'll be great bonding time for them.

Original poster
upsydaisies · 23/10/2017 14:50

Thank you everyone for saying it’s ok to go out. I’m going to go. I’m not staying as late as everyone else but will make a token few hours social effort. Knowing I’ll be back for bedtime and even dinner will mean I’m not that bad of a mum. X

OP posts:
notacooldad · 23/10/2017 14:55

What on earth are you on about Knowing I’ll be back for bedtime and even dinner will mean I’m not that bad of a mum
You are going out for a few hours and leaving your child with their other parent. There is no issue.

StealthPolarBear · 23/10/2017 14:56

Some of us go and stay out all night! Have fun...

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 23/10/2017 15:17

Going out does not make you a bad Mum. You are still a person outside of parenthood. Your dh however sounds like a dick. You can’t babysit your own child.

Dozer · 23/10/2017 15:22

I doubt taking a day off and spending it at home is an option. The employer has organised a social thing? If so it’ll be do that, or be at work.

Why haven’t you been out for 2 years? It’s not healthy to never do things alone.

bunerison · 23/10/2017 15:24

You have a 3 year old, not a 3 month old. You need to stop feeling guilty, you are allowed a life away from your child you know?

Downhillatfifty · 23/10/2017 15:32

Sounds like your DH needs a lot more "babysitting" practice if he thinks parenting his own child is doing you a favour.
Maybe your 3 year old gets upset when you leave because his dad needs more time alone with him to build a better more fun relationship.
So two birds one stone!
Go and have fun.

notacooldad · 23/10/2017 15:47

You can’t babysit your own child.
To be honest I take thet phrase as a colloquial term to refer to which person is staying in while the other goes out.
I remember my mum using it to refer to herself. E.g. ' no I can't go out on Saturday night, my turn to babysit as John (my dad) is out with the fellas from work.
I've used that term in the past and so has DP. Now the kids are old we don't have to babysit, parent or stop in anymore!

Kentnurse2015 · 23/10/2017 15:54

Just go! You might even enjoy it!

Some of us have to be out working at dinner and bedtime. I hope that doesn't mean we are bad parents Hmm

Original poster
upsydaisies · 23/10/2017 15:59

@Dozer if I don’t go out with people from work I will do something with my DS at home instead. We don’t HAVE to go out but I wasn’t sure if I should go and be social given I’ve only been there a few months. I’ve not been out alone since our son was born really. As in out with just adults. Usually we take him with us if we are going to a wedding, party, lunch date, dinner out etc.

I think the guilt I have comes from the fact that I know DH won’t leave the house with him and they’ll end up falling out because they are identical in personality and clash. Also he cries if I ever leave (DS not DH) and that’s something we are both working on because he can’t do that when he’s at school.

I’m going to go I think. It’ll be ok. I might just say I’m going to work 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
upsydaisies · 23/10/2017 16:01

@Kentnurse2015 I’m not saying missing dinner and bed is bad parenting because I miss it sometimes at work when I’m not back till gone 10pm. When it’s out socialising I think missing it will make me feel bad.

OP posts:
Dozer · 23/10/2017 16:04

So the outing is in your non working time then?

Original poster
upsydaisies · 23/10/2017 16:14

@Dozer yes it’s tomorrow afternoon. I think we are all meeting about 12/1ish till 6ish

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 23/10/2017 16:30

Glad to hear that you have decided to go. Especially in your early days in new role, it is good to show interest in getting to know your new colleagues a little better. It is also good for your 'OH' to get the chance to build his confidence being in sole charge of the DC, which can only happen when, well, in sole charge. And to build your DC's confidence that you do come back...all very useful life lessons.

Enjoy.

m0therofdragons · 23/10/2017 17:42

Your dh will “fall out” with ds? They’re not mates Confused
I do get it as I felt really guilty at first leaving dh with our 3 year old plus our baby twins but then I realised that if I could cope day in day out the dh could too as he is a fully functioning adult. Does he do stuff how I would? No but do the kids end up clean and fed and loved? Yes. Go and have fun!

Original poster
upsydaisies · 23/10/2017 18:22

@m0therofdragons I think that’s the point. DH wants to be his mate and them to get on and like doing the same things as friends. He’s still learning that being a parent means sometimes you’ve got to be the bad guy and not get in a sulk when the inevitable toddler tantrum means your child calls you naughty and mean! I’m not my sons friend

OP posts:
Original poster
upsydaisies · 24/10/2017 21:08

So I went out... had an awesome time. Feel better about my status as newbie and now have five days of fun till work starts again!

OP posts:
MerlinsLeftButtock · 27/10/2017 17:35

Really glad to hear you went and had a good time. You deserve a bit of fun too, you know. :)

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