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Original poster

Please sort my life out...

9 replies

nevertickledragons · 09/10/2017 19:22

I'm 26 and feel so lost in life.

The Good:

  • I'm happily married and have been with my husband since sixth form.
  • We bought our first home last year.
  • We have the best pets ever and I love our little family so much.
  • I have a First in English Literature.

The Bad:

  • I work for minimum wage in retail. I don't feel capable of anything more. Even if I did, I don't know what I could possibly do.
  • I binge. I started restricting/bingeing age 12. Now I just binge. I'm still pretty slim, but I'm gaining weight.
  • I feel overwhelmed by my house. Though we've been here a year, I've only painted two rooms. I feel like I'm getting nowhere just decorating on the weekend (alongside cleaning), but I'm too tired to do anything in the week.
  • I can't drive. I'm having lessons. I've had a LOT of lessons. I'm stuck on roundabouts. I just can't see the gaps and I wonder whether I should just give up. Maybe I just can't do it.

Please give me a good talking to and help me sort my life out.

I am so unhappy.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 09/10/2017 19:33

You don't do a lot to be that tired - you don't mention exercise or other hobbies or caring responsibilities.

So. Are you tired because you're ill? Lots of illnesses can cause apparently disproportionate fatigue, including eating disorders. You could start by seeing the GP to rule out malnutrition issues e.g. micronutrient deficiency, or endocrine disorder such as hypothyroidism.

Are you tired because you're (sorry, but it's possible) lazy? Oddly, being active gives you more energy - often because it improves the quality of your sleep.

Roundabouts are horrible. I find them very confusing. I passed in 2001 and still have to really, really concentrate. It does get easier with experience as you learn how big a gap you need, and how to judge intentions by road positioning etc. Are you learning in a manual? Switching to automatic might give you less to do so you'll have more brain capacity for processing other cars. And what if you can't drive? Do you need to? How is not being able to drive actually holding you back at the moment?

Houses take years. The best houses take decades. Don't beat yourself up. What's DH's contribution by the way?

BackforGood · 09/10/2017 19:38

What are you both doing for fun ?
How do you enjoy yourself ?
Everyone needs to enjoy something in life - if you aren't enjoying your job, then what are you doing in life that makes you smile?

What about friends?
Is the house 'in a state' or do you somehow just feel you ought to redecorate?

I understand that a lot of young graduates have not been able to get stimulating jobs, but you need to have a plan...... either getting some enjoyment or satisfaction from hobby or volunteering, or planning a fab holiday, or planning some training to change you job, or whatever. You are clearly very capable if you have a first, and need to find a way to use your brain and get some satisfaction.

ButteredScone · 09/10/2017 19:41

Get a cat.

Get better training. Get more money and stimulation.

Stop worrying about your house. It really doesn't matter so long as you have a comfy sofa, warm bed, clean bath.

Original poster
nevertickledragons · 09/10/2017 20:33

No, I don't exercise (other than walk the dog) or have any active hobbies, Mrs Hathaway...

I can be lazy, but I don't know if I'm especially so... I don't know. I leave house quite early for work (up at 5.30, out of the house at 6.10) and get back home at about 6.30. by 9.30 I'm usually falling asleep and ready for bed.

Yes, I'm learning in a manual. Sometimes I think I don't need to drive and should just give up, but it would make my life so much easier. I could get to and from work so, so much quicker, could nip to the shops for a pint of milk whenever I needed (we live in a fairly rural village with no shop), pick my husband up if he's been out drinking, take the dog to interesting places for walks... It would be life changing, I just don't know if I'm capable.

DH does contribute a lot, but works long hours, six days a week. He spends a lot of his day off playing golf, but he deserves it as he works so hard.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 09/10/2017 20:50

"Deserves it as he works so hard" - fuck that noise. You're newlyweds, and he spends his one day off a week playing golf? He works so hard he deserves to leave you alone with the dog? Nope nope nope. Don't under any circumstances have a baby with this man while you're (both) still in this mindset.

No wonder you're unhappy. It sounds very lonely.

I wouldn't give up on driving but maybe give a manual a go. Ten or twenty years ago they were crap, but not nowadays. Most electric and hybrid cars are automatic so manual will die out.

Getting up at 5.30 isn't lazy by any measure Grin so clearly that doesn't apply. Taking up a sociable hobby that coincides with DH's heavy working pattern could help you feel more fulfilled. Maybe an interesting evening class to further your career aspirations (they tend to finish by 8.30 or 9) or something calming/mindful like yoga or tai chi.

You didn't reply about engaging with health care professionals. Is that something you think would be useful? Have you had input in the past for your ED?

Original poster
nevertickledragons · 09/10/2017 20:50

DH, is very outgoing, BackforGood. He plays golf and squash, goes out drinking and has poker nights. I'm the complete opposite. I have friends and we meet for coffee/have nights in together, though I find it quite draining and have not really engaged with friends that much this past few weeks... I'm pretty introverted and can be antisocial.

I like reading and would say this is the main thing I do for pleasure. Spending time with my pets (cat and a dog) and my husband makes me really happy.

The house isn't a state. I just don't understand why painting a few rooms (it's not a big house) is taking me so long. I feel very ineffectual. I feel like this a work a lot too.

I would love to have a plan. I just don't know what to plan for... I don't feel I am very capable.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 09/10/2017 20:52

When you started your degree, where did you imagine it would take you? Did you study for its own sake or in pursuit of a wider dream? Can you remember who you were before work/marriage/dog/routine life?

FledglingFTB · 09/10/2017 20:54

Similar bingeing here OP. What's your diet like aside from those periods? It can have a massive effect on your energy levels, especially when you have a job where you are on your feet all day.

antimatter · 09/10/2017 21:47

I've only painted two rooms and you've been in your house for a year
how many rooms did your DH paint?

I guess the answer is - NONE

yu just have to make a list of things you always wanted to try such as : climbing, yoga, quilting, gardening, learn to dance flamenco or whathever

go out and try them

forget about redecorating your house! who cares if rooms are painted????

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