Seen somebody I know is in a relationship on POF!

[MummytoCSJH]

I've recently been looking for a house swap in my local area. Met a lovely family, each of our houses are perfect for each other, we're just waiting for the paperwork to be sorted. We'll call them John and Liz, and they have 2 DC, 9 and 2. My Mum's family knows Liz's family well and has done since childhood and vice versa. I've gotten to know Liz and she is really an amazing woman, dedicated to her family and getting everything right for them. Her partner John, is a little odd but just as nice. They've been together for over 6 years. I've joined POF this morning, and John is on there.. no, not 'maybe looking for friends', he very clearly states that he is single and looking for a relationship. He was also online 3 hours ago so this isn't an old profile or anything. It's definitely him. I've spoken to my mum about this and she says to leave it, don't get involved - but I feel for Liz as she is such a lovely person. I don't know whether to tell her or not. We're not close, and I don't want to cause a rift or mess up the house swap but I think I'd want to know if it were my long term partner!
Another issue is that he could see me on it, know I've seen his profile and call off the swap worrying that I'll tell her. Im honestly not sure I'll be able to be pleasant around him knowing he's doing this behind her back. What would you do?

You have NO idea about their relationship and she could agree to him being on there.

Keep your nose out!

No point in getting involved as you don't know the full story.

Hadn't thought that she might know - maybe I would have had he not stated that he was single.

I never understand the keep your nose out view - if it was you wouldn't you want to know? (And if she's agreed it she can hardly be surprised if someone raises it, it's hardly discreet but I seriously doubt that she has, I'll bet the poor love has no idea)

Seems odd to have his pictures on there if he was married with children.

Anyone could see it. Seems very odd to me.

If it was me... Oooooh.... Im bad. I would make up a fake profile and then message him pretending im interested in him. Atleast then i would know for sure.
But im a nosy bugger and its proberly the wrong thing to do

I like your style Londonlassinthecountry. I hadn't thought of that one!

Anyone who thinks his partner has agreed for him to go on POF has to be bonkers!

I think I'd send Liz a link to his profile and say 'I'm very sorry if you'd prefer not to have been shown this but if it was me I'd want to know. Give me a shout if you want to chat about it and equally I'll never mention it again if you prefer that'.

I chatted once to someone on a dating site who was into swinging, threesomes etc, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that she knows, I think unless you knew them well I'd keep my nose out.

Hmm.
Leave it.
If you were close (best friends/sisterly relationship) I'd say nail him to the wall by the bollocks (figuratively).
But, you've no way of knowing that she doesn't know already*
That they haven't seperated but not told anyone.
There could also be an innocent explanation (such as research, or helping someone catch out a cheater which tbh would be ironic, but I've done the latter so... equally, I was single at the time).
In addition to all of that some people shoot the messenger so to speak. So you might end up in hot water.

*some men are bastards and know that most women won't go with a married man so he could lie and say he's single for that reason.

but if you decide to go ahead anyway. Screenshot fuck out of his profile in case he deletes it.
Message him, say
Aren't you John who lives at x street? Didn't expect to see you here!
If he panics and deletes his account, or tells you not to tell his wife etc... you'll have a better idea of what's going on to show her